Blocking someone is like living with blinders on. Don’t let them send you into hiding. Don’t give them the power to steal your joy.

This week several Facebook friends unknowingly friended a hacker. When I saw the mutual friends, I sent each a note to unfriend and report them as spam and change their password. Then, yesterday at a friend’s computer we checked to see if she’d friended the hacker. She and Dannia had. When I got home, I went to send Dannia a message letting her know, and I saw that she had blocked me. This same friend years ago cut off an entire group of friends, including me. But until the week before, I’d seen her comments on a mutual friend’s FB page. Apparently she didn’t like seeing my comments, so she blocked me. My first thought was, Now that’s creating your own reality! Then I felt a little honored and humbled that she gave me so much power. That wasn’t like her. Not the old her, anyway. I thought how synchronistic the Universe having me at the friend’s computer to see her name, otherwise I may never have known I was blocked.  If someone triggers me to negative emotion, I know there’s something going on in me that could use some reflection. Not everyone is ready to look into a mirror, and it’s none of my business if they ever do or not. It’s just a limited way to live.  

Removing your triggers. Identifying and working through them is what gives you emotional freedom. I purposely have no one blocked on Facebook. I know that if anyone rubs me the wrong way, that’s a signal to take a look inside myself and see what I can clear next.  I’m giving someone way too much power over my life if I allow them to make me change what I do or where I go or who else I interact with.

Or, if I’m not yet ready for my world to change the way it would change if I interacted with particular people, I can just walk around with blinders on. To me, that is akin to living with an axe in the ceiling. You’re afraid to walk under it, never knowing when the axe will fall. That’s no way to live. But that feels familiar to many people. Just because something feels familiar and comfortable doesn’t mean it’s good for you. When people go from one toxic or abusive relationship to another, for instance, it’s because that is what feels normal, it’s what feels familiar. Being able to adjust to an abnormal situation isn’t always healthy. We all learn at our own pace.

HOW I GOT CUT OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE
I had what I thought was a best friend for many years until she cut me and a handful of others off about ten years ago. Most were members of a weekly group she held. They were cut off when they said they’d be breaking from the group to attend someone else’s 12 week course. I was never told why I got cut off, but it happened right after a home project gone wrong.

DANNIA OFFERS TO DO MY WALL
Dannia had offered to take the wallpaper down in my living room to do an artistic faux finish to the wall.  My right hand and arm were severely sprained and at the time, so she knew she’d have to do all of the hand work. I knew nothing about the process she was going to do and she would not tell me ahead of time.  I was told to just trust that she knew what she was doing.  She had some product to spray on the wallpaper that was supposed to let it lift the paper and backing easily from the wall.  It not only didn’t do it easily, it appeared to not work much at all. It seemed no progress was being made but I go off to Home Depot for supplies and leave her to it.  When I return, she has a change of plans and we are now not going to remove the wallpaper, but rather will cover over it with brown kraft paper using wallpaper glue.

I TRUST AS ASKED AND I IGNORE THE RED FLAGS
So we order that stuff, and long story short – skipping over lots of red flags – she begins covering the walls with the brown kraft paper using the glue.  And the glue is clearly marked Activator for Wallpaper Adhesive.  As the glue dries, we begin painting the sample wall.  As the wet paint goes on, the paper begins to lift away from the wall.  Dannia says don’t worry about that, that will go away once the wall is sealed with the faux finish sealer stuff. Then, as it dries, bubbles of air begin to form underneath.  One day later, an entire section has lifted away from the wall.

I GET IN TROUBLE FOR SUGGESTING ANOTHER WAY TO DO IT
On day 2, half of the sample wall has the paper hanging from it.  In the meantime, still not knowing what she has in mind – I begin researching online about wall treatments.  I find of course that removing the old wallpaper was a must.  I tell Dannia my findings and she gets aggravated at me. This took place over the course of a week and a half, each day me not knowing what day she could come or what day I would be free to take care of business since I wanted to do the wall on HER time.  Each day she came, I made her take money for her time because well I know what people feel like when they feel under-compensated and I did not want to lose her friendship over money.  And it was no easy feat getting Dannia to accept money.  At this point, I was ready to pull the plug and was just now looking for a graceful way to end it.

I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE
I called in a painter for an estimate, he gives me a reasonable one, I hire him on the spot when he takes 10 minutes to spray hot water on the wall and it immediately loosens up the old wallpaper and lets him scrape away the backing as it it were butter.  The first day he came, he had half the wallpaper down in the time it took Dannia to cover one wall with the kraft paper.

I sent Dannia an email thanking her for the great inspiration she gave me and the impetus to begin some remodelling here.   I told her that I’d decided to go another direction with the wall than what we originally talked about, but that I would not even have begun the project if not for her.  Which was absolutely true.  Here’s the email I sent her:

“I understand if you’re tiffed at me.  When I feel something isn’t working out and I can’t find a good feeling place about it, the best thing I’ve learned to do is cut loose of it as soon as I can. That is one reason that when friends help me, I always insist on paying them.  That way they don’t feel I wasted their time. Without YOU to motivate me to do the wall, I would have not started it. Without YOU to inspire me to what is possible, I wouldn’t have changed. Although we did not agree on what and how it should be done, your inspiration was what got me motivated to make the changes. In the past, I have poured much time and $$ into projects, only to have to pay to redo it to satisfaction afterward (example: plumbing job 5 years ago), or live with a result I don’t like (example: my flooring).  In these cases, I chose to have a friend help rather than hire a professional, and didn’t know until many days and dollars later than we were in over our heads.  Both of these were big expensive lessons. At least this time I spent very little, and for products I can use for other projects. I should not have let the project begin until I knew what I wanted and what my options were. The things I did AFTER we began are things I should have done beforehand: research on the internet, talk to professionals and learn about wall finishes.  Only when I know the basics of something can I relax. When 1/4 of the paper came away from the wall by the window within 3 days, it was time for a professional opinion.  A guy came out and was able to easily peel away 3/4 of the paper from the sample wall with little effort.  The backing underneath did not look scored, it was smooth.  He sprayed a solution on the wall and was able to immediately scrape the wallpaper backing down to the drywall.  Had I known it was possible to have a product that did that so quickly, I would not have opted to cover the walls with the kraft paper. So even though this didn’t turn out like either of us envisioned, I am happy and excited about the new direction it has taken.  And as a friend I know you are happy for me too.  Or will be soon.
Andrea”

And she has not talked to me since. I am sad to lose her as a friend but I am not into the drama of arguing with moody people.  When a friend ticks me off, I let them know right then and I acknowledge my part in attracting the situation.  If it pisses me off, I know I’ve got an issue and it may have nothing to do with the one I’m mad at.  Bless them on their path and leave them to it, and do my own work on myself until I can feel at peace with this person.