Put it there, pardner

I read an article today Project Husband – She’s Got the Gown, Now She Needs the Groom. Silly me, but I thought getting married was about finding someone to love, not just having vacant slots that any possible partner could fill.  I wrote a year ago that I’d been talking to a male friend who is on the single and dating circuit.  I’d written earlier at Online Dating Scams and Online dating: E-Harmony vs. Match.com about the insincere types who are on the dating scene simply looking for a meal ticket.  Dave is a handsome, successful guy and the situation he encounters often is that after two dates, all the gals want him to meet their folks.  Dave is the complete package.  I told him I guess these gals are so darned smart that they figure that out by the second date. I am always surprised at the number of women I speak with, friends and clients I counsel, who still seek a man to support them.  It’s like when most chicks are kids they are trained to play games where they are the bride and they plan their wedding, and they spend the next 18 years doing just that. They go over every single detail in their mind, the dress, their bridesmaids, all that stuff. That’s why they look at every date as a prospective groom.  They’ve been playing that game all their life, and the next step is a face to paste into the groom’s photo.  It doesn’t matter what face gets pasted in for the groom, that can be just about anyone.  The important thing is the wedding itself.  That’s what they grow up dreaming about and planning on.  So if the men feel targeted, that’s because they are.

The important thing, they believe, is you find a man who has means, you dazzle him with sex and sweet talk until you get the ring, then you marry him.  But you marry him in a community property state without a prenuptial agreement.  And if one doesn’t work out, well you can replay the ring and wedding dream over and over again, hoping to luck into a keeper, or as often as your conscious lets you get away with it.  And always remember that getting pregnant means 18 years of financial support, married or not.  Double the daddies, double the income, easy peasy.

The face of the groom is interchangable??  Yes, to hear them tell it, the face of the man who gives them the ring and buys them their house can be interchangeable.  Chicks grow up with this dream in their heads planted by mothers who didn’t know any different, who don’t know to raise their daughters as strong and independent women.  So they train them to do this in order to survive.

Why they are willing to settle for so little I have no idea.  I figured out early on how to make my own dollars and that gave me the leisure to wait around until I come across someone I felt real blowout chemistry with, who I like on many levels, with whom I share mutual interests.  Rather than just who’s the next meal ticket and, if he’s cute and fun, even better… until I burn that out and move on to the next one. These women talk to me and that is how I know it is so widespread.  I had brothers, I played with army men and teddy bears, dolls freaked me out. I never wanted to be the bride when I was stuck being babysat at someone’s house and they were playing it, giving everyone their turn to walk down the aisle in the veil they borrowed from mom’s closet.  But the game has reached epidemic proportions now.  And while men are getting more hip to the game, they still fall into it.  The sex gets them every time.

I watched the now defunct reality show Miami Social on Bravo TV and George had a very volatile relationship with his Russian girlfriend.  She is jealous and moody and deceptive and controlling and violent and scissors his jeans.  Then she slinks away, to return changed into a naughty school girl outfit and red lipstick, and all is well.  WTF???

And it’s not just women doing it by any means, the men do it as well.  We get the sweet talkers, and not everyone can pull it off.  Usually the ones who think they can pull it off, can’t.

So while the women are growing up planning their wedding and just waiting for a groom or series of grooms to come along to be good providers, the men are growing up reading Playboy and watching porn stars and thinking that the personalities of their women are interchangeable.  The women want a good provider and the men want a hot chick with a rocking bod.  Everything else is interchangeable.  Biology 101.

And no, of course not everyone is like this.  Not everyone is looking for someone else to support them.  But I am surprised at the number who are, and that’s why I’m writing this rant about it.  I’m in that judgmental phase that’s makes me want to bellow and justify my position. I wish I could let women know that we are indeed in charge of what we attract. And they can attract so much more than what they settle for.  But not everyone gets that.  I get that.  But it’s not my job to make anyone else get it.

It’s my job to stay in control of my own well being, no matter what thoughts I am having about anything.  It’s my job to remember it’s just another thought and I am in control of those.  When I remember that, I stop blaming people for being the way they are, especially considering how they grew up and all the fear that is prevalent today.  I know that we all attract into our lives those we are in vibrational harmony with.  The mass un-consciousness that seems to go on is merely the default setting.

So if you see the wrong types circling closer and closer, that’s simply because you’ve been focusing on them a little more than usual, so you are attracting more of them.  Move your focus to the type you’d like and start looking for evidence of that anywhere you can find it.

I found the following that I’d scribbled on a piece of lined paper dated 9-05-98:
I forget who I wrote it about.  It fits so many.

TRUE LOVE came knocking on her door
and she turned him away, saying TOO SHORT.
TRUE LOVE came knocking on her door
and she turned him away, saying, TOO SKINNY, TOO BALD, TOO STUPID.
And she lived without love and never knew why.
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