An ongoing theme in calls this week is elderly relatives being taken advantage of by con artists and their adult kids don’t know it because they’re not involved in their finances. My father in law had Alzheimer’s disease and before I brought him into my home to live with me, he handled all his own finances. I was at his home one day and answered the phone for him twice in a couple of hours. Both were salesmen who asked for him by name as though they were old friends. Long story short, afterward I looked at his check register and I was stunned to learn he had been writing checks for years for hundreds of dollars to (1) vitamin companies who sent him cases of vitamins which were expired on the date they were mailed and (2) tens of thousands of dollars to outright con artists. They’d ask him to mail money orders out of state and he’d go right to the bank and do it. Please be aware this may be happening to your parent and they will not tell you. Know who they are writing checks to and why. My father in law, when asked, said he would tell the callers no at first but they would convince him he needed to send them money for his own good. Before he came to my home, these people would call him on a regular basis with new offers, and they had his credit card number.
My 80+ year old neighbor Jim had his longtime friend (and next door neighbor) take advantage of him. He wrote checks for thousands of dollars for loans that were never repaid. His “friend” figured they would be forgotten and overlooked. They were forgotten by Jim, but not by Jim’s nephew who came down to handle his affairs and saw the entries in Jim’s checkbook register.
When my mom’s dad was in his 80’s, the woman across the street befriended him and he began writing checks to her. Within a year his entire savings was gone, and all of grandmother’s jewelry disappeared from the house. He was too embarrassed to mention it to anyone. He considered her a friend, since she was the one who came to check on him every day and help him open his mail. Now we know why. Watch closely anyone with access to your parent’s mail.
And this includes the adult children who choose to not work and to live with their parent under the guise of looking out for them. I’m sure you know someone with a sibling who does that. It’s one thing to live with and care for a parent, and do daily upkeep on their home. It’s quite another to freeload on their Social Security income and be no real help to them. Ive had friends who did this and acted as though they were there to help when they were clearly not.
Make sure you know who your parents see every day, know who is in their lives and why.
I’m going through this myself. The neighbor took 3 checks for $200 each from a neighbor. When I asked for them back, the neighbors answer was, “I already deposited them.” Then a Visiting Angel took 2 checks for $600 on consecutive days. The policeman said that the girl said that my mother insisted. I was trying to keep my mother’s mind going by letting her write her bills. Big mistake.
Sorry, I meant to say that the neighbor took them from my mother.