There is an excellent article here Hurried Intimacy Defeats Getting to Know Partner By Patrick McGinnis, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Published by the Press Journal “Your News” 2013-7-31 and I agree.  It took a year for my last partner to show the side of him everyone warned me about.  Half my reading sessions address the topic of: had they waited, they would have never gotten involved. Dr. Patrick writes: “You need to know him, not just what he says, but how he acts in various situations… Real love relationships are marked by affection, mutual respect, the desire for the partner’s happiness, compatibility of interests and preferences, the ability to get along during stressful times, the ability to be oneself while allowing the partner to be who they are. It takes time to know if these characteristics are present and consistent.”