How do I know when it’s really over? | Andrea de Michaelis – Creating my own reality, one thought at a time

In a reading last night, Domino wanted to know if she and her ex were back together again or not. The last time I spoke with her, they’d had a big blow up fight. He shouted at her, “That’s it, we’re over!” and he moved into a buddy’s apartment. Since they’re in business together, they see each other every day and still sit together to chat for meals and breaks. “Now,” she says, “he’s acting all lovey dovey and once again refers to her as his girlfriend, etc.” Domino’s question is “WTF???”
My answer is “Not to worry. This happens a lot.”

We cannot always teach loved ones how to communicate their feelings to us. They may not have the words for it. They may not have had a healthy role model for it. Or they may simply not have enough interest in the topic of relationship — with you or at all — or just at this time. When your partner is known for being moody and having verbal outbursts, keep that in mind. He may say something in anger he doesn’t really mean. That was how he was brought up and it may be the only way he knows how to act and react. Don’t take it personally. Don’t judge it. Don’t make light of it. He’s hurt and needs something to change. He doesn’t know how to ask for it because he may not know what needs to change. Neither of you do.

So my response to “Is it over or are we still together?” is, act in each moment as you would if you were getting along well. Talk about everything of interest in the now. When it feels good, spend time together. When it feels tense, have other things to do. Don’t talk about relationship. Whatever you feel a need to put a label on automatically limits you. If you have to ask the question, “are we together or not,” the likely answer is no.

Domino asked, she said, because she needed to know if she should begin to look for a new boyfriend. That always struck me funny because I never felt someone was missing from my life all the years I went without a man. If I came across someone in my daily travels while involved in my particular interests and pursuits, someone who enlivened my interest, that was a bonus, no matter how long it took to find them and no matter how long it lasted. My pair bondings have historically lasted 3 years each. I’m happy when I have a partner. I’m happy when I am alone.

To constantly be on the lookout for the next partner can be exhausting. Many people waste many years by waiting to do this or that until they have a partner to do it with. Their life goal becomes to find a partner. Often, during that time, they haven’t cultivated any real interests, so they don’t make themselves into an interesting partner. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

I told Domino that as long as they are working side by side each day, what I would do is not try to get involved with anyone else while they are getting along well. When you turn your attention to someone new, that pulls energy away from your current partner. If you want to work it out with them, don’t dilute the issue with someone new just yet. If you enjoy being with that person, even knowing it may not be long term, don’t do anything to rock the boat unnecessarily. Domino and her man need an easier energy flow between them, not to add unneeded confusion to the mix.

Of course, if you can’t be around him without feeling ignored or neglected, don’t be around him. If you can’t find fun in the times you are together, mostly that’s because you keep running thoughts of past ‘stuff” through your mind. Don’t be around him if you can’t find the fun in it.

Why do specific people come to us? “They are a manifestation of your vibration, every time. So they come as evidence of what you’re doing vibrationally, every time. They came because I summoned them with my practiced vibration.” If you are with your partner as evidence of what you’ve been habitually doing vibrationally, it stands to reason that if you’d like a change, you’ll begin doing things to vibrate in a different place yourself. That can be as simple as focusing on new topics, focusing on new people, focusing on new places. Abraham-Hicks.com