I had a fire this morning, for the first time in a few months. My first job today was to purge several years’ worth of old financial records. I could have shredded and recycled them but I was due for a time of reflection and a clearing ritual. Full moon is Wednesday and the three days before and after are a powerful time for releasing what no longer serves us. As I crumbled the paper to toss into the chimenea’s blaze, I smiled to note these were statements from my best financial years!  It tickled me to see the big dollar amounts on them and the check registers reminded me of what I’d been doing. I was a lot more social then, attending weekly classes and events, attending a dozen conferences and expos a year, dining out a dozen times a week with friends and clients.  I had fun but I don’t miss that life.

I’m someone who completely enjoys being around friends and completely enjoys being alone.  A good ratio for me is twice as much time alone as in company.  I can spend 8 hours a day on calls and emails about work, then I like a few hours of quiet time before I begin my reading sessions.  I have to be creative if I want both a social life AND sleep.

I’m thankful for a partner who also works alone, has his own life and doesn’t require constant input from me. As I basked in appreciation of what is, I reflected on past relationships, where I’d begin a fast shuffle of cancelling and moving appointments to make daily time to see my man, always at the expense of sleep. In doing what I thought would please them, I was doing everyone a big disservice. I ran myself ragged. I didn’t tell them everything I was doing to “accomodate their schedule,” so when I felt under-appreciated, I had only myself to blame. I was doing things they didn’t care about anyway.

I’d not been very nurturing to partners in the past. In wanting to do it differently, I’d gone overboard the other way. No one was happy when that happened. So when I notice myself beginning to skip sleep, cancel appointments and not take alone time, I stop and reflect on it right away, before it gets bigger.  With this morning’s chimenea fire, my intention was to release all thoughts and behaviors that no longer serve me, known or unknown, seen or unseen. My experience is when I am in the midst of doing what truly brings me joy, the ones I am supposed to walk alongside will appear. Or, in the case of my bf, will walk right past my home as I am walking out to the street. Bless him for always keeping it light and for allowing me lots of space between my molecules.  Who knew it could be so easy?