Ch-ch-changes! We don’t always think change is good but we can be pleasantly surprised. In a recent reading, Domino lamented there’s no passion in her relationship. She loves her husband of three years, but they don’t share the same interests and seem to be roommates more than anything. They don’t fight and, while they do laugh together, each does their own thing, has their own job and keeps to themselves after work, he in his workshop and she in the den. Neither is particularly interested in what the other is involved with. There is no physical or emotional intimacy, they don’t even share meals. She doesn’t want a divorce and she doesn’t want to date or seek a new man, but she misses having an intense interest in — anything. Oh, she has her hobbies, she crafts and paints, but she hasn’t even felt like creating art the past year. She feels if he showed an interest in her work, she’d be more encouraged and feel he was a part of it. But she shows little interest in his work and when she does, he’s not into discussing it. She doesn’t feel she has any friends. She’s not a computer person, so she doesn’t do Facebook or belong to any forums that might help her feel supported.
They already live separate lives, interacting only occasionally. I see no need for her to move unless it brings her down him being there. He does pay most of the bills and they are comfortable with each other. But staying where you don’t want to be does a disservice to everyone. Be where you are happy. If that means displacing a partner, so be it. Have the talk as soon as possible and free them up to find someone they deserve to be happy with.
One problem in a relationship is when one person wants it to be defined and the other doesn’t want to fit into a job description. I completely understand that. I’m not one for commitment because I know intentions change. Relationships, having to answer to anyone, used to be an effort to me. My intention now is to be happy in every moment, so I’ve learned to make decisions with that goal in mind. My mind is subject to change upon evolution of consciousness. This doesn’t mean I don’t figure my partner into any equation, it means I keep him posted if and when intentions change. That way, even if we’re not on the same page, we each know what is in the other’s mind. I’m lucky in that my partner and I share many interests, while each doing what we want to do. Our lives mesh well, without compromise or sacrifice. Not everyone is that lucky.
It’s clear that what Domino needs to do is discover and choose a pleasing and compelling point of focus. When she does that, all else will fall into place. She’ll be focused on exactly what she wants to do, without having to figure anyone else into the equation. If her husband, or anyone, wants to be involved in what she’s doing, she can make new decisions at any time. She can choose to seek what it is that creates that feeling of passion within her. She can choose to make it a new goal, a quest if you will, a mission to find what pleases her and what stirs her heart to passion.
Don’t know where you’ll be happy? Find it, seek it, discover and choose a pleasing and compelling point of focus. Find your path and you will bring meaning to your life. In fact, even following the “wrong” path will bring meaning to your life.
And it’s a meaningful life, it just takes practice.