Dating in the Dark. In this 2009 reality show, three men and three women are matched via a compatibility profile, chosen to live in a house and take part in various dates, which all take place in complete darkness.  Both parties interact sight unseen, judging each other by personality alone. Cameras catch all the action using night-vision technology. At the end of each episode, contestants get a chance to see each other in the flesh.  Without the other seeing their reaction.  Sweet. After that, they can decide whether to meet their partner on the balcony, signalling a yes, they want to know them better!  Or they can opt to slink out the front door and get away without talking about it (snap!)

The episode I saw had 3 couples maybe late 20’s, all attractive and personable.  One review: “Superficial singles get tossed in a pitch black room, to “get to know each other” (a.k.a. flirt and make out), and then pray that the person they liked most in the dark is also a babe in the light.”

Most of the contestants did a shot of alcohol before their meetings.  Research suggests that alcohol consumption may temporarily increase the natural testosterone levels in women by 50%. Dark room, two strangers, lots of testosterone = that’s entertainment.

My take is that I know a lot of bonding goes on alone in the dark – no matter who you are sitting with – and that is what the show is hoping to capitalize on.  You’re in a dark room with a stranger for an experiment. You immediately feel bonded to your fellow guinea pig, since you’re both in it together.  The oxytocin, the bonding hormone, starts flowing.  Since you’re in the dark, the melatonin starts flowing as well.  Inhibition steps into the shadows.  You’ve got quite the chemical soup going on before anyone even says a word. Enter cortisol, a hormone that is involved with the body’s response to stress. It increases blood pressure and blood sugar levels, so your body is becoming a veritable still brewing a very powerful moonshine.  And we haven’t even mentioned dopamine yet.  As a chemical messenger, dopamine affects brain processes that control movement, emotional response, and ability to experience pleasure and pain, also playing a major role in – tah dah – addiction.  No wonder we get addicted to love.

First and foremost, these kids have been programmed that when they sit in the dark, alone, with a member of the opposite sex, that is their trigger to begin making out.  It’s a response they’ve unconsciously trained themselves to.  So you add the pressure-cooking mix of your own neuro-chemistry to that and boom! connections are made.  All 3 couples really liked their partner, sight unseen, and thought they were very compatible with them.

Then the big reveal. Who will – after seeing what their partner looks like – show up to meet them on the balcony, signalling a yes?  Who will opt to slink out the back door with no exit interview?  Only one girl was disappointed and walked away.  Interestingly enough, she was the most plain of the women, and her guy was handsome.  I guess it was a personal preference but sheesh, he was pretty hot.  And he felt the rejection, too.  He was surprised, as was I, since they’d gotten along so well in the dark.  ‘I’m not a 10,” he said, “but I’m not a hobbit.”

But rejection is protection.  For every one you lose, a hundred more will come. Do your relationships withstand the light of day?

It’s been a while since I’ve dated.  I’m pretty focused on work and my private practice.  I have a habit of getting secret crushes on someone and then watching them from afar for a few years and see how they act and react to the others around us.  Sometimes they date friends, which is good because then I get feedback about them straight from the horse’s mouth. Sometimes they date a series of friends, as they make their way through the crowd.  Once, a particular crush in the course of 5 years had dated 2 friends and was about to become available again, although he didn’t know it.  I pondered in my mind whether I was interested enough to do anything about it, and was surprised to find that – when it came down to it being available to me – I wasn’t really all that interested after all.  I was really surprised. And this was a handsome, successful, well known and well loved member of the community that I had a secret crush on for over 3 years.  Of course, three years is my typical relationship duration anyway, then I typically monk out again for another dozen years.  No issues here 🙂

But I’ve found chemistry to be a big factor in my crushes.  And being an energy worker, I’ve trained my nervous system to be sensitive to subtleties and nuances, so when I have a crush, I allow myself to get stuck in the taffy of it (on an energetic, nonphysical level).  Rather like surrendering to the bodywork, when you go in for a massage.   The last two crushes were with friends during the course of energy work training.  I took Reiki from Lloyd Reiser in the 90’s and and got stuck in his taffy and had a crush of some duration.   In 2007, I took a Pranic Healing Course with Master Stephen Co and several friends attended as well.  I teamed up for exercises with Michael Bailey and about 8 hours in we decided we were each other’s soul mates.  After the workshop was done, and over the course of the next week, several phone conversations and meetings revealed to us that we were not, in fact, each other’s soul mates after all.  We’d just let ourselves get caught up in the taffy, accelerated by doing the pranic exercises together.

The great thing about the crush with Michael is that, while very different, we are very much alike.   We’re both on a mission and both feel guided to do the work we do.  We’re both voracious researchers and recognize our personal relationships contain enormous capacity for soul growth.   Both Aries, born 2 days apart, we know we can be fickle. We know we can get infatuated with a new spark, and then lose the feeling pretty quickly.  We knew right away that the infatuation we were feeling could energetically be put to good use.  We knew that if we turned out to NOT be each others’ soul mates, at least we were each a signal to the other that we’re getting close.  We could stay in the mystery of it and know that neither of us would take it personal if it turned out to be not the case.  We’re good buddies to this day and still flirt because that feels fun to us, but we’re not a match.  But we recognize the power of the fun and loving feeling that flows during initial meetings and infatuations, the “what-if” stages.  We know that the longer we can stay in the mystery and hold to thoughts of what it is we want, we are attracting it closer to us.  The taffy is a crucial component as far as additional emotional fuel to the creative visualizations.

I will tell on myself, sometimes I am getting into a new project and want to amp up my desire and attraction mechanism, and so I will find someone to have a crush on.  I will use those thoughts and fantasies to fuel my creative visualizations.  Of course, to maintain the momentum, I can’t actually interact with them in person because that can turn into a whole ‘nother ball of wax.

But I know the value of harnessing my own brain and body chemistry, and of using it to benefit my health, and my manifestations.  I also know that unless I want to be in a relationship, I don’t need to be hanging out in the pitch dark with men, whether I know them or not.

I figure just about anyone can get along in the dark.  The dark is seldom where the problems lie. It usually takes bringing something into the light of day to be observed within the context of your entire life, to see where everything fits in. Ah, there’s the rub.

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