Saturday May 2, 2009. I’ve started a new bill paying procedure. In trying to consolidate tasks, sometimes I create an undue burden for myself. I used to put the bills in my daily flip calendar, and pay several at a time. But sometimes days would go by and I’d be so involved in other computer work, that I didn’t want to take the time to bother with paying them. That meant opening a new program, when I already had 5 open at the time, mid-task in each. So as a few days would go by, I’d start feeling pressured to pay the bills every time I’d see the flip calendar full to bursting. I knew I had them in there far enough in advance to not be late in paying, but it was the thought of the task that I let burden my mind. As soon as I realized that, I realized I could solve the problem by simply paying all bills as they come in. As silly as it sounds, that just never occurred to me before. I was creating more work for myself without meaning to and without knowing it.
Are you laughing, because you do it, too? It wasn’t until I got a client that pretty much did the same thing that I realized, “Hey, I do this too, on some level“. It was me discovering a new area of unconscious behavior. A behavior that no longer served me. I’m real conscious in most areas of my life, but still ignorant and unconscious in others. I am always glad when I discover a new layer to be exposed and held to the light for examination. It always signals to me that an upgrade is in the works.
As usual, for me, it wasn’t the task at hand that was daunting, it was the thought of the task that I let burden my mind and overwhelm me. Kind of like firewalking. You can either freak yourself out about it for hours ahead of time, or you can just trust and walk it. My mind, my mental processes are the only thing that ever stands between me and what I say I want to do. If I am who I say I am, then I keep that in mind.
If I am who I say I am, I help myself by paying attention – during times of meditation – to what thoughts my mind goes to when left on its own. I allow myself several times during the day to become the observer, and get to know my mind, and get to know myself as the master of that mind.