"I do." And with your best friend, too.

I wrote yesterday on Facebook that I saw a friend in the market who says he knows his wife is cheating because he figured out her email password and reads her emails back and forth with some guy she met online.  He says it’s been going on for 2 months and it’s making him sick. I told him to stop reading the emails. It’s not what she’s doing that is ruining their marriage and making him sick, it’s his response to what she’s doing.   After yesterday’s thread on my Wall, a  friend wrote:  “My husband is cheating also. It’s a lil more complicated than that, but isn’t it always.”  It’s my experience men “cheat” and it doesn’t mean they love me/you any less. I figure if everything else is fine, that’s no biggie. I’ve done hundreds of readings for men who cheated and they said they just feel compelled to get back in the race every so often to see if they still have it. Most times they do not want to leave the marriage and love their wife, just feel the need for some strange.

I wrote in Infidelity; Cheaters; Sex Decoys: Love Stings that I know that just because my partner can be tempted doesn’t mean they don’t love me and that I can’t have a happy life with them.  It’s not what they are doing that causes the problem, it is my reaction to what I think about what they are doing that causes the arguments.  It helps to remember that intentions change, and we can live happier lives when we allow wiggle room for that.  Don’t make more of it than it needs to be.  Don’t jeopardize your own happy life by making it an issue and having an attitude about it.  Get over it and get okay with it or get out of it.

Sure, we can go all in to society demanding commitment and setting moral boundaries; into learning to attract partners that can be conscious and choose to exercise personal discipline.  But none of that overrides the fact of nature that Humans Are Simpy Not Made Monogamous: A Biological View.  The government can outlaw gravity, but that will not change the fact that the natural force of gravity is gonna do its work nonetheless.

Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Joe the Plumber, it doesn’t matter who it is.  Do yourself a favor and stop connecting two events that don’t need to be connected. He can absolutely love you.  He can absolutely want to raise a family with you and be with you for the rest of his life.  That does not have to change if he has encounters with other women.  Remember, it’s not his cheating that causes the problem, it is your change of attitude and behavior afterward.

Do you have good reason?  It’s not about whether you have good reason to be mad and whether you’re justified, it’s about do you love this person and want to continue to be in a relationship with them?  That’s all this is about.  Everything else is just a thought in your head, and you are the one who can control those.

One friend wrote her husband is seeing prostitutes because he doesn’t have to form a bond/relationship with them. To me the big issue is not where he’s poking what, but that he finds it a priority to spend money and time on things that do not benefit and enrich the entire family and in fact causes them to do without the things that would delight all of them and bring them closer together.

He can be smart in all other areas of his life yet feel at the mercy of his hormones when it comes to sex.  We’ve all been there.  He can also be completely stupid in the face of evidence he may lose his entire family and lifestyle over it.  Don’t take advantage of that.  If he’s a good man and you love him, his relationship with anyone else does not have to affect his relationship with you.  The only place it can do that is in your mind and you are the one in charge of what you allow yourself to continue thinking.

Of course he should be respectful and not allow anyone to call you, nor appear at your door.  But don’t demand to know where he is every moment, and he doesn’t need a play by play of your daily events either.  Don’t play games.  Don’t make stupid, jealous comments, EVER.  Let him look and appreciate other women.  So what?  Don’t cause unnecessary drama.  Be as fun as you were when you first met.  The less you make any controversy an issue, the more likely you are to have a long and successful relationship.  And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Of course, don’t stay with anyone you feel does not respect you, period.
But infidelity is a separate issue.

RELATED POST: Infidelity; Cheaters; Sex Decoys: Love Stings