I live in Central Florida, an hour east of Disney and 15 miles from the Atlantic Ocean. It’s 75 degrees here this week; our typical holiday weather. Yesterday I was in WalMart having a fun conversation, as I often do, in the checkout line with an older gentleman, in his 70’s-80’s. A 30-ish woman walks up in line behind him, clearly sunburned, and he jokes “getting a sunburn in wintertime, that will make the folks up north jealous.” She replied “keep your comments to yourself assh*le.” He looked crushed and humiliated. I put my arm around him and said, “if we had that sunburn, we’d be grouchy too.” and I let her go ahead of me. He gave me a wink. That wink made me feel so happy.
I’d posted it on Facebook and got lots of comments about it, a few that “people aren’t always just in pain, sometimes they are mean on purpose.” But to me, that is simply how they act out their pain. I think people act as they have been trained to act. Some don’t know any better. They see the smart alecky, histrionic behaviors of people on tv in public social situations and think that’s the way people act. Really. They were abused psychologically as kids by parents who had hard lives and didn’t know how better to handle unruly offspring. They got it worse from their parents, who had even harder lives, who likely had more children and likely had even less income.
We have more luxuries than we think. Not everyone has the leisure time to think, oh, my life is hard, let me sit and contemplate how to improve, what books can I read, what seminars can tell me how to get out of this mess. No, these people often work around the clock, 2 and 3 jobs at a time. They have no leisure time to think about anything other than how to get the next meal on the table and how to pay for granddad’s medicine, and please God let Jimmy’s shoes last til Spring.
No one gives them a break, no one is nice to them, so they gruff and grumble their way through life, working their bodies to the bone and being unaware there is any other way to be. If they knew they had a choice, they would make the better choice. But they don’t have the luxury of leisurely thought time.
I wouldn’t say to them “oh, just think a new thought and you’ll begin to live a new life“. There is no empty space in their consciousness to take in anything that does not resonate with where they are right now.
If I’m not speaking to them in a language they understand, they don’t hear it. If I can’t place myself in their shoes, if I can’t say anything constructive, I am better off saying nothing. If I say something, it is meant to uplift and encourage and say “hey we’re all in this together, we’re figuring it out together. You’re not alone.”
I always welcome constructive criticism, from friends and strangers alike. I define constructive as promoting improvement or development, when someone tells me specifically what they didn’t like and suggest specific improvements. Otherwise it’s just a complaint, and everyone is entitled to complain when their buttons are pushed.
When my buttons get pushed, I know I’d better figure it out, then get over it and get on with it unless I want a molehill to turn into a mountain. And believe me, I’ve had enough practice at that, that it’s easy for me to give the automatic kinder, gentler response when grouches get crabby in public.
It took lots of years to train myself to do that, so I know it doesn’t come easy. But it’s easier than racking up a less-than lifetime becuz I’m too lazy to discipline myself to do better.
I’m just saying.
LEARN FREE: The Secret2Dollars. No cost, no kidding.
LISTEN FREE: Re-Program Your Consciousness