A friend is stewing over a bad break up, feeling very ripped off by someone who pretended to be her soul mate for 4 years. She asked me why she couldn’t get over it, why she kept thinking about it, even though she wanted nothing to do with her ex. I reminded her of what she already knew.  One reason she was so drawn to him was that he poured constant attention and flattery on her, constantly charming her with flirtatious antics. It didn’t matter that the soul mate relationship wasn’t real, the attention was real.  She enjoyed getting caught up in his future fantasy talk. I reminded her that was what she missed.  She didn’t miss him so much as she missed having the focused attention of someone who showered her with constant praise and gave her daily guided meditations pointing toward a happy, hopeful future.  That none of it was real is irrelevant. What’s real?  

What’s real is what we create in our mind or, in her case, what she allowed to be created for her.  She wouldn’t miss him if she had another friend acting as cheerleader and visualization guide. She wouldn’t miss him if she surrounded herself with friends who loved and appreciated her and told her so.  She would attract these friends by letting those around her know what she appreciated about them, in being verbal about what she liked about them.

A friend recently told me that I gave too many compliments, they didn’t know whether to believe they were genuine.  That’s their issue, not mine, but I’m someone who will let you know what I appreciate about you. I am very verbal about what I like about you because people are just so freaken beautiful it’s hard not to tell them so.

That was what she missed. She agreed that made sense.  Before we hung up, she told me how much she appreciated my friendship and observations over the years, my willingness to help her walk through the emotional scale and my patience when she was acting out of the vortex. Then she told me she liked my smile and that I had pretty hair.  I laughed, seeing what she’d just done to me. Taste of my own medicine, nice!