What type are you? The Enneagram is a personality typing system that helps us discover our habitual ways of being. Learning what “type” I was brought to light many underlying fixations I was ready to be free of and helped me understand how to get along with friends better.
The Enneagram is mainly a diagnostic tool of one’s emotional outlook on life. It is also useful as a guide to how other people see the world differently. There are a number of tests, including these 2 eclectic enneagram tests, the Enneagram Institute test, the Helen Palmer work, and the 9 Types. The best way to determine your location on the Enneagram spectrum is to understand the system, and understand yourself. The tests will take you only a small part of the way toward that goal.
Don’t people’s personalities change all the time? Most often, what changes is one’s understanding of the personality one had all along. Major life changes most often involve discovery of inner strengths, and admission of weaknesses, that one actually had all along. Doesn’t the Enneagram just put people into boxes? Actually the Enneagram shows you what boxes to get out of. Most people are not aware of their own fixations, or how powerfully they affect our consciousness.”
What type are you? Take the tests, I was surprised but learned a lot about myself.
I just located a file I had with notes a friend and I emailed about several years ago. He was a 4 and I am a 7. Here’s the file. I’ve got the 7 in blue below and the 4 in red.
The Enneagram is a personality typing system that helps us discover our habitual ways of being.
It helps us activate our inner observer, to become aware of our patterns and understand where others are coming from. It showed me how (as a type 7) I had unconscious habits and how to remedy them. When I learned my cousin was a type 2 (last husband was a 4) it told me what to do to get along with him. It showed me how he perceived the world and reacted to it. Big knowledge this gained me. It helped me GET his personality. Like, I never had low self esteem or was depressed so I never understood how he was or what to do about it, to relate to him about it. Our world changed, and how we related to each other changed. I knew he needed a lot of stroking, he knew I needed a lot of distance. The more strokes I gave, the fewer he needed. I never knew someone who needed so much attention. I find it uncanny how these type descriptions fit the 7 and the 4. They are very right on, as embarrassing as some of them are. But I love finding new areas of ME to improve upon:
I am The Adventurer (the Seven)
Adventurers are energetic, lively and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.
How to Get Along with Me
Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
Don’t try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
Be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
Don’t tell me what to do.
What I Like About Being a Seven
being optimistic and not letting life’s troubles get me down
being spontaneous and free-spirited
being outspoken and outrageous. It’s part of the fun.
being generous and trying to make the world a better place
having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
having such varied interests and abilities
What’s Hard About Being a Seven
not having enough time to do all the things I want
not completing things I start
not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
feeling confined when I’m in a one-to-one relationship
Sevens as Children Often
are action oriented and adventuresome
drum up excitement
prefer being with other children to being alone
finesse their way around adults
dream of the freedom they’ll have when they grow up
Sevens as Parents
are often enthusiastic and generous
want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive
The Sevens in Relationship
Adventurers are active and optimistic. They avoid unpleasant emotions, including fear.
Self-Preservation Sevens: “Family and Like-Minded Friends”
Self-preservation Sevens tend to be more family oriented than the other subtypes.
I like having a home base where we share values and interests and provide a network of support for each other.
I often take the role of keeping people entertained and happy.
Planning for and reminiscing about an adventure is usually at least as thrilling as the adventure itself.
I prefer my friends to be positive, as I am.
I like to be spontaneous, but I also plan ahead to make sure I will see my friends and not miss out on anything.
When I take risks, they are usually measured rather than reckless.
I spend a lot of time in and around my house.
Relational Sevens: “Excitement”
I like challenge and action.
Sometimes I push things to the edge or step on people’s toes.
I prefer whatever is unusual, intense, complex, or aesthetically pleasing.
Sometimes I am seductive without meaning to be and get more entangled than I had intended.
I pursue fascinating people and adventures.
When a relationship loses its charge, I may romanticize the person to avoid boredom, or, if I feel trapped, I back away.
I can become upset over the discrepancy between the ideal relationship and reality.
It makes me unhappy if my partner doesn’t fully experience excitement and adventure with me.
Social Sevens: “Impatient vs. Idealistic”
I can see myself risking my life for a principle or cause I believe in.
Sometimes I’m slow to act on my good intentions, especially when I would have to give up some freedom.
I try to stifle my longings for adventure and put responsibilities to my family, career, or a cause first.
I don’t like the burden of feeling responsible for the people around me.
I like companionship and brotherhood, but I can’t stand it when anyone tries to control or coerce me.
I can be impatient. I want to take action right now instead of wasting time bickering about procedures.
Inequality among people upsets me. I wish there didn’t have to be pecking orders.
I have a large circle of friends.
I like to keep up on what is new in the community.
FOUR: THE TRAGIC ROMANTIC
Deception: Conceit (Envy)
Pseudo-deception: Inferiority
Antidote: Serenity
Pseudo-antidote: Authenticity
Illusion of Reality: Developing singular identity
Self-justification: “I have found the essence of satisfaction.”
Time Orientation: Revere the past
Approach to Problem Solving: Withdrawing: “I am satisfied.”
Relationship to Life: Way of Reduction: “I am overwhelmed by life.
SEVEN: THE ADVENTURER
Deception: Feeling happy (Gluttony)
Pseudo-deception: Complexity of life
Antidote: Fortitude
Pseudo-antidote: Boundless optimism
Illusion of Reality: Looking to the future
Self-justification: “I will make the world happy.”
Time Orientation: Work on future plans
Approach to Problem Solving: Aggressive: “I accomplish.”
Relationship to Life: Way of Reduction: “I am overwhelmed by life.
EMOTIONS AND THE ENNEAGRAM 4s and 7s
The Four:
The Program of Excellence with Moody Nostalgia
Special Gift: The ability to create beauty
Self-Definition: “I’m unique. I conform to standards of excellence.”
Shadow Issue: Envy
Rejected Element: The “commonplace”
Addiction: Superior standards with contempt for lesser standards
Strength Needed: Contentment
Defense Mechanism: Introjection, artistic sublimation
Psychological Disturbance: Depression and manic-depression
Talk Style: Sad Stories
Preoccupations of the 4 Include:
Attraction to the distant and unavailable.
Attachment to a melancholy mood, impatience with flat ordinary feelings, need to re-intensify through loss, fantasy and drama.
Submission to loss and limitation by making a transformed version.
Luxury and artistic good taste as bolsters to self-esteem.
Push-pull attention focus on negative features of what one has and positive features of what is not available, reinforcing feelings of abandonment and loss but also fostering sensitivity to emotion and pain in others with abiltity to support them in crisis.
Focus: Personal emphasis on reckless, defensive action.
Couple emphasis on competition.
Community emphasis on shame.
Life Task: To achieve a sense of the reality of now and to attain the strength of contentment and balance in harmony with all that is. Uncovering the grief and sadness under the creative displacement allows competition.
The Seven
The Program of Easy Optimism with Uneasy Activity
Special Gift: The ability to create pleasure and make things happen
Self-Definition: “I’m fun. I see the bright side of life.”
Shadow Issue: Gluttony
Rejected Element: Pain
Addiction: Easy Optimism
Strength Needed: Level-headed moderation
Defense Mechanism: Rationalization
Psychological Disturbance: Narcissistic personality
Talk Style: Anecdotes
Preoccupations of the 7 Include:
Maintaining high levels of stimulation, many activities, many things to do, wanting to stay “high.”
Replacing deep contact with pleasant talking, planning, intellectualizing.
Defusing threat; maintaining a smokescreen of activity.
Charm as a first line of defense against fear. Talking one’s way out of trouble.
Interrelating and systematizing information such that commitments necessarily include loopholes and other backup options which can lead to rationalized escape from difficult commitments, but can also lead to an ability to synthesize unusual connections and parallels between what appear to be antagonistic points of view.
Superiority/inferiority dichotomy.
Focus: Personal emphasis on savoring life.
Couple emphasis on being with people of like-mind.
Community emphasis on limits and obligations.
Life Task: To work with a sense of proportion and balance anchored in the now. Pain of any kind can serve as a steadying point of focus.
Type 4 – Seeking Happiness through Pain Envy and the Masochistic Personality Trait Structure
Envy
Poor Self-Image
Focus on Suffering
“Moving Toward”
Nurturance
Emotionality
Competitive Arrogance
Refinement
Artistic Interests
Strong Superego
Type 7 – Opportunistic Idealism Gluttony, Fraudulence and Narcissism Trait Structure
Gluttony
Hedonistic Permissiveness
Rebelliousness
Lack of Discipline
Imaginary Wish Fulfillment
Seductive Pleasingness
Narcissism
Persuasiveness
Fraudulence
The preoccupations of TYPE 4 include:
The sense of something missing from life. Others have what I am missing.
An attraction to the distant and the unavailable. Idealization of the absent lover.
Mood, manners, luxury, and good taste as external supports to bolster self-esteem.
An attachment to the mood of melancholy. Depth of feeling as a goal rather than mere happiness.
Impatience with the “flatness of ordinary feelings.” Needing to reintensify one’s feelings through loss, heightened imagination, and dramatic acts.
The search for authenticity. The feeling that the present is not real, that the real self will emerge in the future, through an experience of being deeply loved.
An affinity with what is real and intense in life. Birth, sex, abandonment, death, and cataclysmic happenings.
A push-pull habit of attention. Focus alternates between the negative features of what one has and the positive features of what is distant and hard to get. This attention style reinforces
Feelings of abandonment and loss, but also lends itself to
A sensitivity to other people’s emotionality and pain. An ability to support others in crisis.
The preoccupations of TYPE 7 include:
The need to maintain high levels of excitement. Many activities, many interesting things to do. Wanting to stay emotionally high.
Maintenance of multiple options as a way to buffer commitment to a single course of action.
Replacement of deep contact with pleasant mental alternatives. Talking, planning, and intellectualizing.
Charm as a first line of defense. Fear types who move toward people. Avoid direct conflict by going through the cracks. Talk your way out of trouble.
An attentional style of interrelating and systematizing information, such that commitments necessarily include loopholes and other backup options. This style of attention can lead to
Rationalized escapism from difficult or limiting tasks.
The ability to synthesize unusual connections and parallels between what appear to be antagonistic or unrelated points of view.
Palmer – The Enneagram in Love & Work.
TYPE SEVEN, the Adventurer
Seven in Love
Living with Sevens:
The main problem is getting a Seven to see the problem.
An ideal mate is someone who adores the Seven and will keep the Seven company while he or she has a good time.
Sevens want high levels of stimulation, adventure, and multiple options of activity. Because they have great difficulty staying with negative feelings, they’ll want to diffuse disagreement and sweeten the situation. “Shouldn’t we go to dinner and a show?”
Sevens want to be with partners who mirror their own high self-image.
Sevens are pleasant when you admire them. But they’ll ridicule or discount you or the situation when they’re challenged or placed in an inferior position. They make nice or make fun of.
Acutely sensitive to boredom and repetition in relationships, Sevens can adopt new interests and maintain a charming lifestyle to keep the spark alive.
Sevens go with the flow. They want to cycle in and out of encounters with people, to arrive on a high note, to leave with good feelings, to return when the flow brings you back together again.
Expect Sevens to get angry when the flow is interrupted. They don’t want to be brought down by someone of lesser mind.
Sevens become acutely aware of the limitations when you call for commitment. They can live in committed relationships for decades and still be uneasy with the concept. Long-term commitments are “a process” and an adventure.
Sevens take a multidimensional approach to intimacy. They’ll be fascinated by your various aspects. They’ll want to do many different things with you and will support your dreams and activities.
Seven at Work — In the Workplace
Offers a sweet solution to authority problems. Wants to equalize authority, which can come out either as a fair peer arrangement or as a situation engineered to ensure that no one is allowed to give orders. If no one gives orders, then people get to do as they please.
Can become insistent about impractical ideas and inefficient approaches. Prefers ideas and theory to implementation. Will open a task to new approaches rather than face routine.
Goes through the cracks rather than confronts. An antiauthoritarian stance that gets around the rules by broadening the definition of terms.
Excellent performer in open-ended projects that do not move into routine. Networks, plans, synthesizes ideas and approaches. Aligns the project with other areas of interest.
Has an inner sense of capability and high self-worth. Measures self against others to keep this sense of self alive. “Am I superior or inferior?” “Do I stand above or below?” “Am I on top of this project, or will it get me down?”
Has a tendency to bend people’s minds in order to get their support. Reframes objections. Puffs the possibilities. Puts forward a lucid idea without considering backup. Offers convincing generalities with lots of little loopholes. Offers suggestions that sound like promises.
Delightful to work with. Can be forgiving and creative during hard times. The office person who wins the popularity poll.
The Enneagram in Love & Work. Type FOUR, the Tragic Romantic
My last husband was the Romantic (type Four). Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive. The following is from http://www.9types.com/descr/:
How to Get Along with the Four
Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
Though I don’t always want to be cheered up when I’m feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
Don’t tell me I’m too sensitive or that I’m overreacting!
What I Like About Being a Four:
my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
my ability to establish warm connections with people
admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
being unique and being seen as unique by others
having aesthetic sensibilities
being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me
What’s Hard About Being a Four:
experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don’t deserve to be loved
feeling guilty when I disappoint people
feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
expecting too much from myself and life
fearing being abandoned
obsessing over resentments
longing for what I don’t have
Fours as Children Often
have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
are very sensitive
feel that they don’t fit in
believe they are missing something that other people have
attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents’ divorce)
Fours as Parents
help their children become who they really are
support their children’s creativity and originality
are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed
THE FOURS IN RELATIONSHIP
The Romantic (the Four)
Romantics have a strong need to express themselves and to be seen as original.
Self-Preservation Fours: “Dauntless”
I crave intensity and stimulation in order to feel alive and avoid the dullness and meaningless of a mundane existence.
I am attracted to being close to birth, death, catastrophe, and serious illness.
I have plunged into dangerous situations, for example, taking physical risks, breaking laws or rules, taking chances with my money, engaging in promiscuity, or entering into unhealthy relationships.
I can be determined and persevering in pulling myself and others through crises.
I rebel strenuously when people attack my ideals, tell me what to do, or try to change me. I may hurl sarcastic remarks or fly into a rage.
I focus intently on my creative work or causes.
I can see myself excluding everything else that is going on around me and ignoring the necessities of day-to-day survival while I pursue my goal.
I like to point out angles that others have not thought of.
I take great offense when people assume they know what I think and how I feel.
Relational Fours: “Competition and Envy”
I envy people who seem happier, more fulfilled, or more interesting than I am, particularly those whose assets are similar to mine.
When having problems in a relationship, I am more likely to become depressed than angry.
I want my partner to experience our relationship as unique and intense.
I’m attracted to what is distant and unattainable.
I long, or have longed, for a soul mate or Prince or Princess Charming to come along and rescue me from an ordinary life.
I frequently get my partner to leave, then try to win him or her back. This push and pull creates drama and pain, keeps renewing the distance I want, and gives me the feeling that I am in control.
Getting close frightens me because my loved one might discover that I don’t measure up to the ideal.
I sometimes feel I’m not special enough to be truly loved.
Social Fours: “Shame”
Shame, as we use it here, means embarrassment, humiliation, and lack of self-respect.
I feel ashamed of not measuring up to my vision of the ideal: not being bright or creative enough, not contributing to humanity, or not having a fulfilling relationship.
I die over each mistake or faux pas I make.
I often feel inadequate socially and either try to pour on charm and confidence or blend into the woodwork.
I’m always analyzing myself: Did I make myself understood? Did I sound stupid? Was I too aggressive? Was I too conciliatory?
I have dreams of achieving tremendous status and recognition in order to get revenge on those who have put me down or laughed at me.
I am very sensitive to being shamed or slighted. It devastates me to be excluded from a gathering or event that acquaintances or friends are attending.
Sometimes I say things against myself to try to deflect envy.
I feel less awkward when I fill a definite position in the group by demonstrating that I’m an authority on something or by making a strong statement about who I am by the way I dress.
The TYPE FOUR in Love
Living with Fours:
Remember that Fours feel that something is missing. Others have what’s missing. Focused on the quality of feeling in other people’s relationships, the Four worries: “They have it. I don’t.”
You can easily be dismayed by your Four’s attraction to the distant and the unavailable, positive attention to whoever is missing: the ghostly lover, the distant friend, the unfulfilled dream.
Count on complex relating. Nothing is simple. Depth is the goal rather than fun.
Expect impatience with the “flatness” of ordinary feeling. “Surely there is more than this.” Relating is intensified by sabotage, suffering, and dramatic acts.
For Fours the present seems unreal. All relating is building toward the emergence of the “real” self through the agency of love. The ultimate disclosure, the transcendent moment, the reawakening of the soul.
It’s always showtime: mood, manners, luxury, and good taste as a setting for relationship. Unique self-presentation compensates for inner feelings of deprivation. The art form of keeping feelings contained. Conversational innuendo, aesthetic distance, the implication of a special glance. Relating through romantic idealization.
For Fours, it’s the pursuit not the happiness that matters: a refined and bittersweet emotional sensibility. A mood of melancholy. Love is many layered and goes through many phases. The stages of letting go are unusually slow.
Fours sweetly reminisce about people from the past and focus on lovers, experiences yet to come. Attention on present opportunities are weak and intermittent.
Push-pull habit of attention. The Four’s focus turns to your negative aspects when you are present and to positive aspects with the safety of distance.
This way of paying attention reinforces the Four’s feelings of abandonment and loss, but also lends itself to:
Sensitivity to your emotional states and the ability to support you when you suffer pain.
Four at Work — In the Workplace
Wants distinctive work. A job that calls for creativity, even genius, an eccentric edge in presentation, a unique approach to business life.
Must feel respected in the workplace for personal vision and ideas.
Efficiency is tied to mood. Attention gets displaced from tasks when emotional life takes over. Can sabotage business life over a love affair.
Wants to be connected to special authority, to those in the field who stand for quality rather then popularity.
Feels demeaned by plebeian work, the definition of which is different for every Four. Gardening can be work for plebs. So can being a CEO.
Feels called to emotionally intense lines of work: grief counselor, animal rights activist, the suicide hot line late at night.
Aggressive and cutting toward competitors or peers in the same field. Attracted to successful people outside his or her own sphere of interest.
Does not flourish in a work environment that requires close cooperation with others who are more skilled, more valued, or better paid.
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