When we spoke last night, she said she felt like the loneliest person in the world. This despite living with several family members and within walking distance to several others, and despite working with many coworkers for many years. “That’s the problem,” she said, “we’ve all known each other too many years. We’ve had our ups and downs and none of us are afraid to speak up. Now years later it’s a big war and that doesn’t feel like family.  I need a new family.”  I’ve known Domino and her family 20+ years. What they all share in common is that everyone periodically flares up and no one wants to take responsibility. They each think there’s only one way.  They each try to get some of the others into alliance with them, to go against another group of them.  Through the years, they’ve done some hateful stuff to each other, yet no one will admit any past wrongdoing. Domino usually solves the problem by distracting herself with a new man or new people to hang with who don’t know her. Then she starts something there and has to move on.  She doesn’t see that this is why she is so lonely ~ she has alienated everyone who knows her. She has taken advantage of them, lied to them and about them, purposely caused trouble, and refuses to take responsibility for having done it. “Ok, I was in a bad place and I did stupid things.  There’s no excuse and I apologize.” That’s all it would have taken, but she does not see it.  This is why she’s lonely. Everyone is tired of it.

Experience has taught me to tell the truth, clear up the past, forgive everything, find a new focus and move past it.  Whatever it is.  If there are family or coworkers you will be faced with daily, lose the attitude with them no matter how they treat you.  If you can’t lose the attitude and work it out with them, it doesn’t matter where you move to or what new company you work for, you are going to attract the same situation over and over again, the same person with a different face and a different name.

And the thing is that I hear from a few of the family members, and they all say basically the same thing ~ they are lonely and have no sense of family despite having a large one nearby. I’ve tried several times to get them to make a list of all the qualities they like about this one or that one, and have been successful only a few times. I ask them what their fondest memory is of their sister, their brother, their parents, grandparents.  When they take time to bring it to mind, they get some insight about it.  Bringing those things to mind changes their vibration, and that changes what they attracted. Maybe they still don’t see their complete part in it, but they have stopped talking about it for now, and that’s a start.

The bottom line is, if you’re in the midst of any group of people that you are not feeling connected to, you’re simply not seeing the connection between you. You can’t imagine what the vibrational match could be, since you feel like a fish out of water around them.  Open your eyes. Open your heart. Stop speaking, except for “I’m sorry for my part, all is forgiven.” Start listening. Stop reacting. Start smiling quietly when you disagree. The angrier ones will fall away pretty quickly when you stop adding fuel to that fire. and when that happens, you will have just changed your reality, and all you had to do was think differently about it.

When you become that kind of a person, you never feel alone again. When you look for what you have in common with the ones around you, when you connect with them in a real way, that becomes your family.  When you love unconditionally, the world becomes your family.