Armand Della Volpe made me contemplate why my guy and I have no conflict. The short version: We don’t have to deal with lots of stuff others deal with. We have no kids or grandkids, we each have our own residence, income and transportation. We’re both workaholics with similar backgrounds, lifestyles, likes and dislikes. Most importantly, we both meditate daily and we’re each more committed to staying conscious and connected to God/Source than we are to maintaining a status quo with any particular person, place, circumstance or event. That’s an invaluable shared goal to have.  

Armand posted a link on Facebook about what you learn in a good relationship.  I commented  “I’ve learned to let a few years pass before taking score: you can think you’re in a good relationship and not know until after the fact that you weren’t at all. To me a good indicator is I’ve been with someone 14 months and we’ve not had a single misunderstanding, we’re constantly supportive of each other and both emotionally self sufficient. That’s huge but again, I’ve learned to not take score too soon.”

Armand replied, “I agree, most people I know, myself included didn’t really experience intimacy and deep knowing until we’ve spent 4 years or more with someone. I’m a little suspect of “not having a single misunderstanding in 14 months” but you just may be the exception to the rule. ”

I replied, “Not a misunderstanding yet. I find for me challenge arises when I share space or am responsible for more than just selfish me. We’re both work from home workaholics, a partner understanding that is HUGE. I require a lot of alone time, but we live a block away so we connect daily, we call, text, grab time running errands together, market, post office, bank. I can’t always make his gigs and he isn’t always up at dawn for yoga, but that’s the extent of our problems. I’ve been married 5 times: I know if I had to pick up after him or do his dishes that’d be a whole nother story.”

Yesterday, Armand posted, “OK, another big awareness. Meditation is not a luxury for me.  I realize that for me, because of my mental and emotional conditions, at least 1 hour of daily meditation is essential.”

I responded, “I agree completely, when I slack off my “meds,” my meditation, I can watch myself uncenter back to egoMind*. An hour twice a day keeps me connected and aligned. It helps to have partner with a daily meditation practice. That makes a big difference in how we relate to one another.”

I thought later, that’s one big reason my partner and I don’t have conflict. We each begin and end our day in reflection and meditation.  That gives us the tools needed to stay conscious and aware throughout the day.  My biggest challenge in relationship has always been that I’m very mission-oriented and enjoy spending much time at “work.”  My partner and I both are self employed from home, and both disciplined and goal-oriented workaholics.  That means he not only understands when I want to let dinner slide for an hour while I get back to a few people, he likewise loses himself in lots of overtime hours online.  The partner spending too much time in front of the computer isn’t a problem with us since we both do it. This is a big area of potential misunderstanding that isn’t with us.

Often one partner is social and the other is not.  I realized that another reason we don’t have conflict is that each of us is gregarious in social situations, yet reclusive by nature.  We each invite the other to social engagements and don’t mind if the other can’t make it. Both of us enjoy our own company and don’t mind attending events on our own. We each have our own income, residence and transportation, so there’s never an issue of  one not pulling their own weight, or keeping socks off the living room floor.

The same age and — this is huge — neither of us have children or grandchildren.  It’s just the two of us.  Previous partners had exes and children, visitation and child support, as well as all the responsibility that goes along with that.  Or they were dodging exes, children and financial responsibility, and we jointly had to deal with all that goes along with that.  Both of us having no kids nor local family relieves a giant pressure many others face, as well as a giant potential for conflict and misunderstanding.

We tend to enjoy the same lifestyle, the same music, the same type of activities and friends. We’re both students of esoteric study, and both into devotional spiritual practice, writing, meditation and kirtan.  Twenty years ago we would likely have had a field day discussing metaphysical theory.  Seasoned now by life, we compare notes on what our experience has been in our metaphysical fields of endeavor.  Another area of no conflict: This means we don’t have arguments over me not wanting to attend a basketball game or smoky bar.

So when I think about it, Armand might be right: Fourteen months with no conflict and no misunderstanding may seem suspect, but with the conditions aligned as they are, we’ve been blessedly exempt.  Maybe that will change.  Maybe it won’t.  Whatever happens, if we stay conscious, I have no doubt we can surf right through whatever comes our way.  Most importantly, we’re each more committed to staying conscious and connected to God/Source than we are to maintaining a status quo with any particular person, place, circumstance or event.  That’s an invaluable shared goal to have. Then, when I find myself with my vibrational match and it’s harmonious, it’s the best dance there is.

* EgoMind: The ego mind, sometimes also called the lower mind, the reactive mind or the monkey mind,  is the conditioned, programmed, limited mind. It is influenced by its upbringing,  emotional traumas, its moods and whims. Subconscious or unconscious blocks, ideas and beliefs all influence the ego mind at all times and in all situations and is the filter through which life is viewed.