Dating In The Dark Episode III

Monday night I watched the third episode of ABC’s Dating in the Dark. In this latest reality show, three men and three women are matched via a compatibility profile, chosen to live in a house and take part in various dates, which all take place in complete darkness. Both parties interact sight unseen, judging each other by personality alone. All six are attractive and height/weight proportionate. Chris wants to get married and raise a family, and he makes a point to kiss each of the girls. “You can tell a lot about a woman by how she kisses.” He’s the clear lead with all 3 women because he’s a good conversationalist and he also got personal really quickly with each. Two were his favorites; the third, having admitted to one night stands, seemed “too sexual for me.” He got to see all 3 in the light and reported back to the other 2 guys that two of them “are bigger than most girls I date.” They both appeared to be maybe 5’6, maybe 36-25-36, maybe 120 lbs. That’s right: real Shamoos: Marilyn Monroe’s size. Chris appeared to be maybe 5’8, with a slight frame, maybe 165 pounds.

The real confident girl, Sasha, mused ahead of time, “Of course I’m nervous (if he will like me after seeing me). I wonder am I pretty or do I just think I’m pretty because my mom tells me I am?” Unfortunately for Sasha, Chris does not care for redheads.

His choice was Jennifer, who was the most attractive, but I thought she also had the most animated personality. She was maybe a size zero: 32-22-32 or smaller, maybe 95 lbs. Chris said she was the best kisser.

He went onto the balcony to wait to see who would appear for him. Would it be Jen, his choice? Would it be Sasha, Megan AND Jennifer making it awkward? Or would it be none of them? Would they all walk out the front door?

In the end, the women all thought he looked too young, and they preferred the rugged type. He had the baby face and was slight of frame. They all walked away. The parting remark of Jen, his choice, was “I feel horrible about not choosing Chris, he’s a little young for me and it’s unfortunate because he’s my perfect match.”

I guess she means in the dark he’s the perfect match? How does she know this before having to deal with him in any real life situations? And despite him being the perfect match and all, she ditches him because of how he looks?

Sasha admitted she was very superficial at this stage of her life, that she is very into looks. I think everyone is entitled to have their preferences and to hold out for them if they cannot be satisfied settling for less. My physical type has always been the opposite of me – swarthy, fuzzy, rugged. Yet my favorite boyfriend ever was maybe 5’10, sandy hair and 165 lbs.

I’ve met a few men online through the years and several of them have become friends. We had fun phone calls and lots in common, and I even liked how they looked in person. But for some reason I did not have that romantic charge for them that I was able to sustain as long as I stayed in the mystery.

So what is the balance between staying in the mystery and getting on with real life? I know there’s a lot that goes into the mix to determine if there is chemistry. I’ve felt chemistry for someone based solely on looks, knowing nothing about their personality. I’ve met men I didn’t think twice about yet as I got to know them, something about their personality really began attracting me. I think humble is sexy. I think confidence and take-charge-ed-ness is very sexy. I think someone who speaks deliberately is sexy, as is someone who knows when to keep the silence.

Someone who can stay in the Now appeals to me, someone who can be free in the Now without feeling bound by the past; that gives me a charge. Someone to fumbles and falters and catches themself can be sexy. Someone who works to improve themself on an ongoing basis and maybe has a daily practice of self reflection and internalization. In addition to hand gestures or facial expressions, those are things that, in person, may help determine whether I have chemistry with someone, regardless of what they look like.

And I’ve got a lot of handsome male friends. But I don’t want to boink them. Girlfriends know if I bring a man with me to church or wherever, he’s up for grabs; he’s likely just a pal. They can grill me about him later unless they are brave enough to just come up and say, “Introduce me to this handsome guy.” Learn to ask. I have.

But as for Dating in the Dark, I think I’ll stick to staying in the light.

That way there are no surprises to show me how shallow I really am.

In case the FTC is wondering, I am not endorsing anyone.