I wrote in A Universal Closure Letter, Working it out Energetically that two friends recently split and want to do it amicably. She wrote a letter seeking closure. He responded below.  This is a good example of how friends who respect each other communicate effectively, even in the midst of the fray.  It’s a good Universal senario and lesson.  He writes, “You asked what I would write to ____, how I feel.”
“Dear _____,
There are so many conflicted feelings and thoughts in me that I am having a hard time sorting them out. I hope that we can put the anger, the bad feelings, the fear behind us. For me, I don’t want to just be your friend one day, I want to be your boyfriend, your partner, your lover. I want to look at you in my bed, see your smile and have it fill my heart with joy as it did so many times. I don’t think that either one of is happy, I know I miss you something fierce. You are the first thing I think of every morning, and the last thing I think of before bed. I sit on my couch with the cats and tell them “I miss her too.” I look at the garden and see the plants I put in for you, and the things I wanted to plant for you. I look at the places where your things used to be and feel an emptiness that they and you are not there.

In the beginning I made some dumb mistakes and did some dumb things. When we first met and got involved, even though I really liked you, I was terrified of getting involved again. I had been single for 15-20 years and was afraid of opening myself up to someone, of letting them into that place inside of me where I am so vulnerable. Where I give my heart to another and thus give them so much power.

But I also remember the things I loved about you from the start. Your smile. You smiled and the whole world for me lit up. And as we went on the smile and the love I could see in your eyes overwhelmed me. I remember looking at you at times and just feeling your love, and feeling how much I loved you in return. It was something I never experienced before, I could actually feel it.

And I loved the sensitive side of you that cared for people. The healer in you. I was amazed at times how much you cared. I worried sometimes that you carried so much that you would get hurt. Sad is it not, that it was me that hurt you. You were willing to do so much for others and ask nothing, nothing in return. And I came to love your spirituality, who you were through that. Your beliefs in how the world should work. Even if it does not, your belief in how things should is beautiful. All these things made you the most beautiful woman in the world to me. While I was with you I never wanted anyone else. I sit here and look at a photo of you smiling and my heart aches to see that smile again for real.

I am sorry for the jokes, the teasing, the flirting and the other shit. I honestly tried, tried to make things right between us for what I did and said. I changed but I never felt you forgave me for those mistakes. I feel that even to this day you have still not forgiven me. I did hear what you said, and I did care. I heard you and cared enough to change my behavior, to change my lifestyle, not only because I loved you, but because I realized how right you were.

It was a big change for my life being with you. I went from being single for a long time, to being in a relationship. And change is sometimes slow and hard. You challenged my way of thinking about a lot of things, and while this old dog can still learn new tricks, sometimes it takes more time. So there were things I had to let go of that had been part of my life for a long time. And I had to start developing new paradigms for the world around me and us. It took time. I had lost my spirituality. I guess in the all the years of pain and being alone, I stopped believing because I could not understand why my life was the way it was. You brought that back to me.

Nothing is simple, and what happened between you and some of my friends were complex. There was a lot involved, personalities, egos, feelings, etc. I guess I was the eternal optimist who hoped, hoped that it would all work itself out and everyone could live in peace. Sadly it did not and it escalated and escalated as everyone got angry until it exploded into a great big cluster fuck. And led to the end of our relationship.

Sadly, for me, it took some of this going down to see some things more clearly. Like what my path needs to be from here. Like where I belong. Like what I want and should be doing.

I know you feel that I did not respect you, that we were all kinds of incompatible. I look at you see the woman I love. And I think upon all the women that I have not been interested in. That I have not pursued, or been interested in. I had not found anyone that I wanted to be with the way I wanted to be with you. I fell in love with you. Not a rennie, not a pirate, not a bawdy, dirty joke telling, beer drinker. But ___, a spiritual person, a energy healer, a mother, the person who became my love. I never thought you were inferior or unacceptable. I wanted you to meet everyone I loved. My family, my friends. I knew how great you were, how special you were. And I still know how much you can still be.

We were and are different, but to me that was not our weakness but our strength. I always felt that we complimented each other in so many ways. You brought me back to the spiritual side I had lost so long ago. Your views made me rethink some of my thoughts, and the things I experienced with you increased my view of the world. We were the Yin Yang. Each of us being part of the whole that was us.

You were the closest person to me. You knew my secrets, heard my complaints, and lived my life with me. You were with me more than anyone. I cared for you more than anyone else. You were more than my best friend, you were my partner. And I am sorry that you did not feel that I loved and respected you as such. You were the most important person to me, and the real me was the person who was with you.

I try not to think about our fights, and I am sorry for the part I played in them, for my temper. But I want to think about the happy times we were together. The times we went for walks in the park. Sitting on the beach watching the moon rise with a bottle of wine and holding hands. Breakfast at the beach, sitting on the waterside talking for hours, shopping in antique markets, lunch at the burger joint – just the two of us talking. And of course all the times at home together, just to know that you were there made me happy. It is funny that one of the things I miss the most is texting you on the way to work in the morning. Telling you I love you, and having you write back that you love me. Getting a text kiss from you in the middle of the day. Just looking at your photo and knowing you were there. I miss those things so much. These are the things I remember. The times we were insanely happy to be with each other. That is how I will remember you – forever.

There have been harsh words said by both of us. I am sorry for the times I spoke in anger. I am sorry for the things I said in anger. As I have said many times, when I speak when angry, things get said that are not meant. Know that I love you still and beyond all I wish I could make things right, I wish I could start to heal with you, because I want you in my life still. I love you.”