A friend’s boyfriend just proposed. He owes two baby mamas years’ worth of child support and he’s still married to the wife he abandoned 3 years ago. My friend is smitten so she makes excuses for him. She knows she’s the one to change him. Ah, youth! Ask yourself how does a grown man get to the place where he has absolutely no friends in the world but you?   I don’t care what anyone does but since I hear all the stories, I see the patterns. I like everyone to know how Universal all stories are. You’re never the only one going through something. I might not want to go hiking if someone told me ahead of time how rocky the terrain was, so I like a heads up from those who’ve walked that way before me.  On Facebook I got some insightful responses:  

CS  It’s only a mistake the first time. After that it’s a decision.

RG Oh, brother. That “smitten” thing is so well named, sometimes. “I been smote” is so much less romantic. Ah well. They say in-love is indistinguishable from psychosis. Has been for me, I know.

BG Yes, tell her to RUN as fast as she can in the opposite direction. I know she probably won’t listen because she’s in love.  She’s got to look at his track record.

MT That chemical reaction we have when we are intimate with someone over powers any logical choice we can make, in the past I have been guilty of this. Finally in my 40’s I am able to control primordial urges for the sake of my childrens’ well being and not involve them with “potential mates”, I get to know someone before even testing the waters, I am no longer blinded by lust when I can wait for vision through love…

JC is it the naiveté of youth or just blind stupidity?

MW This man will not change.

PP Remind her that he will be broke or in jail after they are married! Oh, and she may be left paying the court ordered child arrears!

RS And the ignorance that springs forth form in-experience

RJ my daughter married the man, a year’s worth of child support to one and custody of another that causes chaos and heartbreak within her home. She was ordered by the court to pay his back child support and to take his daughter into her home and support her because they were married. Plus, the baby mama sued for her income tax return and won. They are now taking the weekly child support payments out of HER paycheck! And HE doesn’t work full time…….

RJ I gave up after the last one was a closet crack addict..hid it very well for almost a year….

DG Smdh… that debt will become hers and what kind of man isn’t taking care of his current kids but you think he will take care of yours? And even if he takes care of yours how could you wed a man that plays favorites with his kids? I’ll gladly go out party of one man…too old for foolishness

BS  I tell little stary eyed girls not to have any more babies that they want to raise and pay for on their own.. b/c their husbs will move home w mama and live off the parents while the ex is bringing up and paying for the kids…   once you’re legally married, HIS debt becomes HERS as well.

FR Well.. not to tar everyone with the same brush, but they say.. there is no better prediction of future behavior , than past behavior…but then there is always that exception and we usually think it’s us!!