Ram Dass, in his book Still Here, Embracing Aging, Changing and Dying (at this link, go to Search Inside This Book at the left and type in “Loss of Role/Meaning” and it will take you to page 48) writes: “Instead of honor and tender care, many of our aging population experience boredom despair and emptiness, with no outlet for their suffering.  It is important that we not wait until we find ourselves at such an impasse before seeking an alternative means of confronting our aging years. The sooner we begin cultivating a mind that can work with such heavy mental states as meaninglessness and depression, the better able we will be, later on, to escape them.  Again, we can begin by noting our thoughts as they arise, and by prying loose the Ego’s hold, slowly, diligently, with great care,  As our minds begin to quiet down, we notice that the thoughts and feelings associated with meaninglessness come and go, and that there exists, in the space between these arisings, a way of being that is not affected by these mind-states.

Behind the machinations of our brilliant, undependable minds is an essence that is not conditional, a being that aging does not alter, to which nothing can be added, from which nothing is taken away.  The more we become aware of this being, which is our Soul and the source of our strength, the less we will be prey to the illusion of meaninglessness.  This is not an abstract concept; it is real as the breath moving in and out of your body, and real as the spirit that animates you.  The greater your mindfulness, the more you will come to know this truth, and to rest in it when painful thoughts threaten to hide it from view.

As you will see, it is possible to experience this spaciousness even as painful events occur.  As we try to practice mindfulness, we see that the Ego does not cease to exist – it simply ceases to tyrannize us or to offer the only version of experience available.  Not being wholly dominated by our feelings, we are, in fact, able to feel them more deeply; knowing that a ight exists, we may not be so afraid as before of peering into the darkness and discovering what it has to teach us.  When we cease to resist our grief, for example, we learn that, painful though it may be, grief is an integral part of elder wisdom, a force that humbles and deepens our hearts, connects us to the grief of the world, and enables us to be of help.  Grief need not paralyze the heart or become a garment for the Ego.  I’ve met older people for whom grieving becomes an identity, the only role they feel fit to play.  As Saul Bellow wrote of such people in his great novel, Seize the Day , “They’re afraid that if they stop suffering, they will have nothing.”

Depression and fear about aging both focus on losses.  How much lack of Awareness we have when facing the losses determines how much we suffer.”
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This is an enjoyable book, as all of his books are.  Through the decades, Ram Dass has been a consistent voice of my generation, talking in that autobiogaphical way that is easy to listen to and easy to read.  I’ve seen him in person dozens of times and read all his books. He’s older, so I see him as a teacher who is further along the path than I am, so I heed his guidance.  Especially when he says:

“Behind the machinations of our brilliant, undependable minds is an essence that is not conditional, a being that aging does not alter…  The more we become aware of this being, which is our Soul and the source of our strength, the less we will be prey to the illusion of meaninglessness.  This is not an abstract concept; it is real as the breath moving in and out of your body, and real as the spirit that animates you.  The greater your mindfulness, the more you will come to know this truth, and to rest in it when painful thoughts threaten to hide it from view.”

Mindfulness is so often the answer, isn’t it.

In case the FTC is wondering, I am not endorsing anyone.

LISTEN FREE: Re-Program Your Consciousness