I have a habit of appointing myself timekeeper for other ppl and when the schedule gets too packed with reminding them of stuff they may not need to be reminded of, I feel overwhelmed.  Add to that type A display, I just had a sudden snowball of unexpected work that changed the timing of a very tightly scheduled magazine delivery week.  The schedule changed with every phone call and text.  So far it’s worked itself out and one changed appointment has dovetailed into the next perfectly. Despite my aggravation, I was attracting a good result.  Today was my only truly free day where I don’t have to do any work, yet I’d told a friend I’d be their transportation at noon and again at sundown.  Then suddenly I had to arrange for a friend to meet me at a work project at 10am, which turned into 11:30am.  Ok, that one done, finished by noon, on to the next.  I began again stressing over the obligations at noon and sundown. I wanted to go home, take some valerian root and Hyland’s Calm’s Forte (natural sleep aids) and have a festival of sleep.  I am feeling underslept. That is how anxiety begins to manifest on me. I can either sleep more or I can change my perception of how much sleep I need and how much rest I’m actually getting.

I debated the issue with my friend, who is very understanding, mega cool and not worried about it. He knows he can attract what he needs when he needs it.  We’ve both seen it happen.  As soon as he arranged for the two rides into town, I felt the stress immediately lift.  Whereas before the cancellation I was wracked with guilt because this is someone who does many favors for me and is a big upgrade to my life, afterward I felt the weight fall from my shoulders and I cried in relief.  Oh, how much drama I bring on to myself by trying to mange my pals’ lives to the detriment of my own.  I just crack myself up sometimes.

I could tell the tension was relieving when we turned a corner on the way home and an ATT truck was parked on the side of the street.   I snarkily said, “That’s right, park right around the corner so drivers can crash right into you after the turn.”  I laughed because I caught myself.  Sure, he was parked right after the turn, but he was half off the street and easy to see as I approached the corner.  I wasn’t in danger of hitting him. I just chose to see that as a possibility and voice it and give energy to it.  I laughed to catch myself.  May it ever be so.

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away,  We Gotta live like we’re dyin.