Page 14 - Horizons-February2018

FROM THE HEART They performed many other extraordinary generous acts. De-

spite their human frailties and habits I judged, their parenting
was born of pure love. Looking back now, my heart is bursting
Alan Cohen is the author of the bestselling A with gratitude I wish I had shared with them when they walked
Course in Miracles Made Easy. For more informa- the earth. My regret in not expressing this when I could have,
tion about Alan’s books and videos, free daily is offset by the comfort that wherever they are now in God’s
inspirational quotes, online courses, and weekly great kingdom, they receive my appreciation.
radio show, visit www.alancohen.com.
Perhaps your parents were not so loving and you were subject
to mistreatment or abuse. Perhaps one or both of your parents
A DIFFERENT KIND OF VALENTINE were alcoholic or had some other dysfunctional habit. Perhaps
they fought bitterly, or one was absent, or they divorced when
you were young. Perhaps you harbor resentment, hatred,
February is the month of Valentines, when our or guilt about your relationship with them. Perhaps you still
thoughts turn to love. Usually we give Valentines have a hard time being with one or both of them. Perhaps you
gifts and affection to romantic partners. This month blame them for imprinting you with negative programming
I would like to shift our focus to expressions of love that has created pain in your own relationships, and you feel
to our family, in particular our parents. thwarted from the reward you desire.

While reading Soul Friends by Stephen Cole, I came upon a If so, there are three ways you can reframe your family experi-
quote by Buddha that caused me to put the book aside and ence to open you to more appreciation. The first is to reach
think for a long time: “. . .the debt of gratitude we owe to for elements of their parenting that you genuinely value. Even
our parents is so great that we could carry them on our backs if they were bad parents in many ways, they were probably
for our entire lives and yet still never fully repay it.” good parents in some ways. What kindnesses did they show
you? How did they encourage you? Who were they when they
Wow. were at their best? They loved you somehow. Feel around for
the gifts they did deliver to you. They are there. When you
When I was growing up, I did not appreciate my parents. I was notice those blessings, they will expand.
busy living out my own desires, figuring out who I was, and
exploring the world. I took mom and dad for granted. I had Next, gain compassion for your parents by recognizing that
judgments about them and wished they were otherwise. At their acts that caused you pain issued from their own pain.
times I was disrespectful. I was a self-involved teenager. “Hurt people hurt people.” I have coached many clients who
are seeking to make sense of their relationship with a dysfunc-
My father passed away when I was 18 years old, before I tional parent.
reached a stage of life when I became more conscious about
my relationships, so I never got to express my appreciation to I ask them, “What was your parent’s own pain? Who trained
him. As I have matured, I have reconsidered the many kind- him or her to be fearful and mean?” In every instance my cli-
nesses my folks showed me. They didn’t have much money. ent traces their parent’s dysfunction back to some abuse that
My father drove a bus at odd hours and my mother worked parent received from their own parent or another authority
in a hat store during the day and at a factory at night. They figure. The client’s parent did not have the skills or tools to
did everything they could to keep me safe, comfortable, and achieve healing, so they passed their pain on to their children.
happy. For most of my childhood we lived in an awful section A Course in Miracles tells us that every act is either a skillful
of the city, where crime and depravity were rampant. Real- expression of love or a call for love. When we reframe our
izing the dangers of this environment, they worked harder to parents’ negative behaviors as calls for love, we ease our own
earn more money to move to a nicer part of town where the pain and clear the way for us to help them.
rent was quite high.
Finally, consider how you grew as a result of the challenges
your parents posed to you. Did you learn to be more indepen-
Join us on dent, or set boundaries, or dig in to find worth within yourself
Facebook
that they were denying you? Some teachers say that sometimes
we choose our parents because they help us develop soul
Gifts, Books, Cards, strength we would not have gained if our situation was easier.
Thus they were our friends who helped us grow and step into
Crystals, Candles, our own power as adults.
Incense, jewelry,
Salt Lamps, More Most Asian families have altars in their homes honoring their
ancestors—a practice we could well gain from doing ourselves.
Energy Healing 2186 Park Ave If you don’t wish to build an altar to your parents in your living
room, you can create a sacred space for them in your heart.
Readings Orange Park, Florida 32073 This year don’t reserve Valentine’s gifts for your honey only.
Classes 904-292-4555 http://spiritualuplifts.com Honor those who love you more than you know.

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