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This month’s thoughts flesh. I’ve learned the importance of having someone i(in the
flesh) in my head to talk to, someone I feel appreciated and
about things... emotionally supported by.

“I want to look back on my life and be giddy with THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING A CHEERLEADER
joy that I was the one who got to live it.”
I’m also missing my friend DAC, who moved away in 2007. He
... from page 7 .. was the best conversationalist and ultimate handyman. He
knew how to fix anything mechanical, electrical, plumbing,
he could build things out of wood, he was great with garden-
ing and garden structures. He made sure my car was detailed
STOP GIVING ATTENTION AND POWER TO HATERS
before trips and checked oil and tire pressure. He took an
As I scroll through the news feed, some Facebook friends are interest in my work and my art, and gave me a lot of positive
always making angry digs at someone. It's as though they don't attention and appreciation.
notice they continually give their power away by letting them-
selves get riled up over whatever the other one did or said. I don't realize how valuable having a cheerleader is until I am
The haters love to look at your FB feed and see that you're without one. Keeping me on track each day, reminding me
ticked off and know they caused it. Stop giving them the sat- what's important, reminding me I can make a difference. It's
isfaction. Pretend it's not happening, don't even mention it. that laser beam of attention that activates us, keeps us going.
Just get on with the rest of your happy life and don't give them
another thought. Sure that means you've got to change friends WE CAN'T DEPEND ON SOMEONE ELSE TO CHEER US ON
sometimes but it sure seems they're not friends anyway. Get The thing is, we can't always depend on someone else to give
your focus off of them and onto something more interesting us attention to motivate us forward. We have to motivate
and compelling. You're the one in charge of where you place ourselves, we have to cheer ourselves on with our own posi-
your focus. Neurologists claim that every time you resist acting tive self-talk. You are already running self-talk in your head 24
on your anger, you're actually rewiring your brain to be calmer hours 7 days a week, make sure you program it with words and
and more loving. How cool we can practice control like that.
phrases that motivate you to do what you want to do.
PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T HELP ANYONE
HOLDING THE VISION FOR NEW NEIGHBOR
After Hurricane Irma, I was relaxing on the back porch, bask- As I was taking a walk recently I had a spidey sense flash that
ing in the cool night air and enjoying the sound of the rain someone at the end of my block will be selling their home.
on the roof when I suddenly felt anxious for my friends who I don't know who it will be, but what I can do is hold the vi-
are still waterlogged. So do I not allow myself to enjoy the sion of what kind of neighbor I would like to have. I would like
rain because it's bringing distress to friends? Or can I keep my them to be someone who is kind, honest and open-minded and
attention on the fact of what I am personally feeling in the it would be great if they were really into gardening. Maybe
moment (contentment) without turning my attention to dire they are a private person, maybe monkish but they enjoy talk-
circumstances someone else has experienced in the past or ing and sharing about their garden as I do. Maybe they also are
anticipating the distress someone else may experience in the an artist of some sort, someone I can be inspired by. Maybe
future? I'm allowed to have compassion for their plight and still they also like to do little handyman projects around the house
enjoy myself in the moment. Me dimming what light I find and have gotten good at that. Maybe they'd be delighted to
does not illuminate the path for others. let me pay them to do handyman and yard work from time to
time! The possibilities are limited only by my imagination.
I'M HAVING TO REWIRE SOME OF MY THINKING
LEAVING ROOM IN MY MIND FOR IMAGINATION
I'm missing a friend who passed although our interaction re-
cently was mostly in my mind rather than in person. I'd see I just cleared 44 images off my desktop. A publisher, I use the
him at the beach early mornings, we'd chat, we've known each desktop as a staging area until files have served their purpose.
other 20 years. Mostly, though, I'd visit with him in my mind Often I leave them there cluttering the screen until I can't find
and I was surprised to find it was almost every morning. I'd something I'm looking for. I don't always notice they hinder my
wake up and think of a ride to the beach where I knew I'd see progress. My thoughts are the same way sometimes, cluttering
him. Then a conversation would ensue in my head, picking up up the foreground and hindering my progress. Some thoughts
on whatever our last conversation was. I'd say this and he'd I definitely need to get me from "here" to "there" but many
probably say that. Often I wouldn't go to the beach yet I felt thoughts are outdated and simply running on a loop because
we'd visited anyway, since in my mind we did. It wasn't until I've never deleted them from rotation. Daily meditation lets
he passed that I realized what a daily occurrence my thoughts me look at my mental cache twice a day and recycle what's
about him were. I realize it now because I've felt loss and grief no longer useful. When I skip a few sessions, I notice my
every morning since he passed, knowing we'll have no more thoughts (and my Facebook feed!) blowing up with nonsense.
in-these-bodies visits in this lifetime. The remedy? Return to the path, hand to the plow, hit the
mat. Enjoy our offering this month.
In 2013, I lost a childhood friend who'd been my life long con- Hari Om.
fidante, the one I spoke to most in my head. When he passed, Andrea
I had to rewire my mind to someone currently alive and in the
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