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http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Are-You-Listening-to-Your-Life
https://www.facebook.com/TheSharingBook/?pnref=lhc
http://www.the-open-mind.com/20-things-to-do-when-youre-30-that-will-make-life-
better-at-50/
RELATIONSHIPS: Men

and The Steak Theory
Publisher's note: Last month I "accidentally" ran into David Hallett, who authored Massaging the Female Mind.
I really enjoyed what I read and asked if I could excerpt a chapter. One of my favorite themes is that you don't
need to have a romantic relationship in order to be happy in life. So much of my readership and clientele is single
that I want them to know they can be whole and complete without a soul mate. I definitely am. David is very
good at discerning patterns and what he writes is very insightful.
David Hallett has practiced his dedication to all levels of healing,
working as a licensed massage therapist for 20 years. He is now a bud-
ding author and his first book, “Massaging the Female Mind” explores This is how we learn about how you want to be treated. We
some of the lessons learned from his table. Connect on Facebook at don’t just know. We may understand pieces of what women
davidhallettauthor. His website is davidhallettauthor.com
want but all in all, we are creatures of simplicity. Don’t be
I notice patterns in my profession. From what afraid to teach. That’s why above all else you should be atten-
tive to men who are attentive, because it means we can learn.
women tell me, one pattern is that when dealing
with men, women often make the mistake of assum- Some of you need to hear this and some of you don’t, but
ing that we communicate and operate in the same unless you have spoken with your daughters about the “steak
way they do. This misunderstanding can apply to many sub- theory,” then they need to hear this in the most critical man-
jects but here we’re going to examine male sexual experience ner possible. That’s because the way most young girls find
through a metaphor I have lovingly called the steak theory. out about the difference in male and female desire is through
a broken heart. If a young girl who has never had a sexual
I consider myself as well versed in the workings of the hu- experience and craved emotional connection fully understood
man mind as anyone who has diligently studied it from books. the steak theory, would she then share the most intimate part
That’s because the first thing I do in a session is I make the of her physical being with a young boy? Especially, when with
person know that they are safe. The next thing I do is make very few exceptions, the closer a boy is to the peak of his
myself available to actively listen. My clients are mostly fe- puberty, the more the steak theory applies.
male and from every walk of life. I’ve learned so much about
you by just holding space and paying attention. After hearing Even for mature self aware women, it is my advice that sex
every possible story; from abuse of all kinds, to the stages of should wait until you have a fully functioning relationship. In
failing marriages and new found love, I began to notice pat- my opinion, meeting a man who truly interests you and imme-
terns. diately jumping into bed with him is like sealing an envelope
THE STEAK THEORY before you've written the letter. Have history first, and build
up passion based on an emotional connection and some quality
Let’s say you haven’t eaten for a while and you are starting to time spent. It should be a big red flag when a man insists upon
get hungry. You happen to walk by a steakhouse and the smell sex too early in the relationship. He wants to close a deal that
immediately entices the ache of your hunger to grow. Now all he hasn’t heard the terms to. In most cases, a man like that
you can think about is a steak. You may or may not have the will not be equally emotionally invested in your intimacy. Any
money to invest in this meal but you are starving, so you go in man, who wants to be with a woman he respects, will look for
and gobble one up. Now your craving is satisfied until you are a woman who respects herself. If we want a mature relation-
hungry again. This is the closest explanation I can give you for ship, making us wait will provide a sign of virtue and self-re-
the general male sexual experience. That’s it. You’re hungry, spect on your behalf. Know, too, that sometimes even the men
and then you’re full, until you’re hungry again. who look for women who progress cautiously will agree to sex
if you offer it. So you may be picking the flower before it gets
How does that compare with the colorful expression of emo- a chance to bloom if you give into temptation.
tional ecstasy you’re searching for? Creates a bit of a dilemma
doesn’t it. But before we write off men as being entirely unfit As strong as you are, you are even more complex. I’m sug-
to satisfy female emotions, let’s consider the miraculous trans- gesting that you honor the intricacies of your heart because
formation that turns boys into men and men into creatures of sometimes it will overpower you and you don’t always get to
genuine intimacy, love. So what determines how a man who choose when. Even the relationships that start with the best of
is in love will treat his partner? The truth is it has nothing to intentions end for many unseen reasons. So please remember,
with him and everything to do with this elusive concept: if you it's a lot easier to walk away from a relationship before you've
want love, you will have to learn to love and respect yourself had sex, than it is to walk away afterwards; and that is an
exactly the way you want someone else to. A good man (and understatement. Also remember, once you pick the fruit, you
that’s the only kind I advise collaborating on life with) will can’t put it back on the tree.
perfectly align with this expectation you hold yourself to.

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