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LIVING THE EMOTIONAL

ETERNAL WAY TEMPERATURE

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WAYS TO WARM THINGS UP
Ask people how they feel about the way you’re acting. If you’re feel-
ing lonely or left out and want to increase your feeling of connection
MM: But discipline may please the soul but to others, practice assertiveness by asking someone you trust how your
not the ego. behavior makes them feel.

EO: In the short run it does not please the Is your anger making them pull away? Is your “poor me” attitude making
ego but in the long run it works out. The goal them feel as though nothing they do or say helps you, so why bother? Is
is to purify the ego and have the ego serve your negativity causing you to misinterpret their words and behavior?
the soul.
It’ll take courage on both sides — yours to ask directly and theirs to an-
swer honestly — but you may learn something and have the opportunity
MM: One last question about spirituality
and escapism. A lot of folks use the seeker’s to clarify, which could make you feel better.
life to separate from their familiar context,
thinking that truth and wisdom are some- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Imagine how you’d feel if the
where else. What do you think about bring- roles were reversed. What could you do or say to make the interaction
ing spirituality home? more successful? You can also ask them straight out what they need.
EO: Paramahansa Yogananda said that it’s an Stay open to possibilities. Don’t assume you know how someone else is
obstacle when we create a false separation feeling and why. Ask the person directly, and then accept what they say.
between our material and spiritual existence. Your boyfriend may want to see you less, but that doesn’t necessarily
As a devotee, I came to the path hoping to mean he’s stopped loving you.
escape. I thought, Oh good, meditation and
transcendence, get me out of ‘here.’ Life is Maybe his expectations of a romantic relationship are different from
messy, relationships are messy, the body can yours.
be difficult. I thought I could just meditate
and leave it all behind. Maybe he misses his friends. Or maybe he needs some alone time to re-
charge. If he says he still loves you, try believing him. It’s enough to take
Initially, yoga did take me out of the world, in care of yourself without taking on everyone else’s feelings too. Respect
that I shifted my focus to developing an inner the people in your life enough to believe what they’re telling you.
life. But I discovered as others do, that the
more you develop the inner life, the more you Pick a good time. Approach someone for a discussion when there aren’t
come into touch with yourself, with others a lot of distractions, when you’re both feeling well rested and well fed,
and with the world. Yoga took me out of the and when you have the time to talk. Agree to a time that works well for
world but brought me back in a very profound both of you.
way. It didn’t allow me to escape, it just
transformed my relationship with the world. I Don’t forget to ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” again after you’ve
think we might count that as one of the ben- tried something to warm up or cool down your emotional temperature.
efits of sticking to a path. If you’re feeling better, fantastic. Remember what you did and try that
approach again another time!
MM: So, we’re integrating our practice with
our everyday life. If you’re still feeling angry, sad, lonely, disappointed, left out, or afraid
and it’s affecting your mood or your relationship, you might need to take
EO:We have to. Being in the world gives us other steps to feel better.
plenty of sand to polish the oyster. There is Cindy Goodman Stulberg, DCS, CPsych, and Ronald J. Frey, PhD, CPsych, are the
that saying, ‘It’s easy to be a saint on a moun- authors of Feeling Better and directors of the Institute for Interpersonal Psycho-
taintop.’ I tell people, ‘You don’t have to go therapy. Visit them online at http://interpersonalpsychotherapy.com.
looking for a spiritual intensive, you have one
just living your own life.’ Excerpted from the book Feeling Better. Copyright ©2018 by Cindy Goodman
Stulberg and Ronald J. Frey. Printed with permission from New World Library —
www.newworldlibrary.com.

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