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https://www.marsvenus.com/john-gray-
articles here as well http://www.oprah.com/spirit/The-
Power-of-Your-Intuition
mars-venus.htm
VISIONS, TRIPS AND CROWDED

ROOMS What we experience before we die

David Kessler is the author of Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms -- What We Experience Before We Die. He co-authored
two bestsellers with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons. His first book, The Needs of the
Dying, is a #1 best-selling hospice book. His latest is You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After Breakup, Divorce or
Death with Louise Hay. http://davidkessler.org/

The visions people experience at "After writing three books and being around people like
the end of life are remarkably Kübler-Ross and Mother Teresa, I hope that people will real-
similar. For example, the dying ize I'm just always reporting from what's happening at the
are most often visited by a mother end of life. I mean, if anything, I see myself as an end-of-life
or mother figure. It shouldn’t be too reporter because I know everybody's not going to be around
surprising that the person who is present the bedsides of the dying.
as we cross the threshold of life and take
our first breath once again appears at the threshold as we take "I think there's a part of me that's become more courageous
our last breath. and more mature to say: 'You know what? Not only should I find
the courage to share these stories, but it's actually a disservice
Visions of visits from loved ones who have already died are by letting you believe your grandfather or grandmother, who
only the first of three commonly shared experiences that re- was a very sane person, became crazy in his or her last mo-
main beyond our ability to explain and fully understand. ments of life,'" he points out. "I actually have a responsibility
to say: 'Nope. This is a common phenomenon. I can't explain it.
The second type of commonly shared experiences is get- Don't have any interest in arguing about it. Accept it or don't.'"
ting ready for a trip. The notion of the dying preparing for a
journey isn’t new or unusual. Although, interestingly enough, The 51-year-old modern-day student of death, who runs the
it’s always referring to an earthly journey. People talk about Citrus Valley Hospice program for the group of three hospi-
packing bags or looking for their tickets -- they don’t mention tals in the San Gabriel Valley, conducted in-depth interviews
chariots descending from heaven or traveling to eternity in with healthcare professionals, members of the clergy as well
some other manner. The archetype is about life and transi- as individuals who had lost loved ones. They told him what it
tions, not endings. The saying “It’s not about the destination, was like being at the deathbed of a patient, relative or close
but the journey” has never rung more true than here. friend.

The third type of commonly shared experience is known as EYES FIXED ON MOM
“crowded rooms.” The dying often talk about their room being
filled with other people. The word I hear over and over again is The first shared experience reportedly was deathbed visions,
crowded. It’s not unusual for the dying to recognize some but most often of the dying person's mother or mother figure.
not all of these visitors. We will look into who these people are Their eyes became fixed on something no one else in the room
and the connections they have during both life and death. By could see as they reached out their hands passionately, accord-
doing so, the very idea that we die alone may be challenged. ing to many witnesses of deathbed scenes.
What if the journey at the end of life is not a lonely path into
eternity, but rather, an incredible reunion with those we have A hospital supervisor who Kessler calls Nina in the 168-page
loved and lost? Beyond that, what if the dying hold a connec- book Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms, said her dying
tion to those who have been long forgotten? What could that husband suddenly started talking to someone in his hospital
offer to the living? room, although no one else was present. She clearly heard
DAVID KESSLER him say, "Mom, I can't believe you're here." Then he told his
dead mother all about his living family. But the supervisor
said the "most amazing part" was how her husband kept his
R. W. Dellinger writes, "When you're starting out in your pro- eyes focused upward on a particular spot, like his mother was
fessional life, you want to make sure that you're doing credible hovering there.
work," says the vice president of patient support care services,
which includes overseeing end-of-life care, pastoral care and SPEAKING TO LOVED ONES
social work, at Citrus Valley Health Partners. "If I would have
said to anyone early on, 'You know, I've been noticing there's An oncologist was at the bedside of his brother, who had termi-
some visions going on here with our dying patients,' they would nal cancer, with their mother. The patient began talking as if
have thought I was crazy.
...continued on page 13...

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