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ONE MAN'S EXPERIENCE THE TURNAROUND

WITH BYRON KATIE'S Tom Moon: “Okay, now turn the thought around into its op-
4 LIBERATING QUESTIONS posite: The first thing that occurs to me is that "I don’t need
anything from Lyle in order to be happy. It’s believing that I
do that is keeping me unhappy.”

...continued from page 8 As we talk, another turnaround occurs to him. “I need to ad-
mit that I’m hurting myself every time I ruminate about him,
and instead of waiting for him to apologize, maybe I need to
apologize to myself for what I’m doing to me,” Corey said.

In the weeks that followed, Corey asked these four questions
Corey and I applied Byron Katie's 4 liberating questions to Co- every time he found himself ruminating about Lyle, and was
rey's belief that: “In order for me to be happy, I need Lyle to gratified that his destructive preoccupation gradually melted
admit he hurt and betrayed me, and I need him to offer apolo- away. Corey’s experience is not unusual. In my work, I’ve
gies and restitution.” Here is a summary of our discussion. found Byron Katie’s process to be a simple, but highly effec-
tive, tool for opening the mind and expanding perspective.
Tom Moon: “Is this idea true?”
An important advantage of this process is that it is easy to
Corey: “Yes!” learn. Most of the people I work with are able to use it effec-
tively on their own after just a little guidance and coaching.
Tom Moon: “Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” One easy way to begin learning how to do it is to access Katie’s
website (http://thework.com/en), where you’ll find a step-by-
Corey: “Well, no, I can’t really know what would happen if he step description of how to do it.
ever did actually come clean with me. Maybe I’d be happier,
and maybe I wouldn’t feel any different than I do right now. Tom Moon, MFT, is a a licensed psychotherapist and writer. His col-
I’m not much of an expert on how to be happy.” umn, “The Examined Life,” appears regularly in the San Francisco Bay
Times. Tom is committed to helping us develop the insight we need to
Tom Moon: “How do you react when you believe the thought overcome the conscious and unconscious beliefs that stand between us
that "in order for me to be happy, I need Lyle to admit he and our happiness. See http://tommoon.net/
hurt and betrayed me, and I need him to offer apologies and
restitution.”
Corey: “I feel heavy, bitter, weighed down. I feel vengeful.
And I feel helpless because he has to do something in order for
me to be happy, and he isn’t doing it.”

Tom Moon: “Who would you be without the thought?”

Corey: “I’d feel a lot lighter and happier, that’s for sure. Lyle
would finally really be gone from my life. When I think about
him all the time, it’s like he’s still with me every day.”

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