{"id":42482,"date":"2015-08-16T13:38:57","date_gmt":"2015-08-16T18:38:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=42482"},"modified":"2016-05-26T14:21:59","modified_gmt":"2016-05-26T19:21:59","slug":"no-i-dont-have-naked-photos-of-your-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/no-i-dont-have-naked-photos-of-your-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Venus Retrograde\u2019s relationship karma. No, I don\u2019t have naked photos of your husband"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"I<\/a>

I have no pics like these of your man<\/p><\/div>\n

It’s been fun going thru old pics from the 70\u2019s-90s, remembering fun times and reconnecting with friends I once shared a moment with. It\u2019s a perfect example of how the relationship karma of this month\u2019s Venus retrograde thru Sept 6<\/a>t<\/a>h<\/sup> is playing out in my life. Seeing pics taken of former partners in past relationships had me meditate upon each one. I searched my inner archives to find any remnants of unresolved issues. I found a few. These were all good men. Mostly, we were young, we were growing and changing. We were meant to connect for part of each other\u2019s journey but we were not each other\u2019s final destination. For the most part, we\u2019d already run into each other years later, had our exit interview and laughed about old times. I was reminded of two with whom I\u2019d parted bitterly. I reflected on my part in the demise of both relationships. In each, the bottom line was that in marrying each, I\u2019d essentially accepted a job I\u2019d lied about my qualifications to get.<\/em> It\u2019s easy to see things in retrospect. I was brought up thinking we have to have a partner and marry them, so I kept doing that. It took me decades to discover I\u2019m not happy in domestic life. It would be fun playing house during the infatuation periods, but I always had solitary projects going on I couldn\u2019t wait to get back to. I learned cohabiting is not for me. I don\u2019t share space well. I spend so much time in conversation with people for work, that on my leisure time I bask in the silence.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

Basically, I\u2019ve been the problem in most relationships. I\u2019m selfish and not compromise oriented. I feel compromise is two people each settling for less than they really want. Don\u2019t talk to me about sacrifice. My priority is to feel free and independent; my priority is not to choose a partner and stick it out no matter how much we change and no matter how bad it gets. Periodically I\u2019ll come across a partner I feel that way about, but I\u2019ve learned that feeling passes. That\u2019s the side effects of the infatuation chemicals flooding my brain<\/a>.\u00a0 It’s just not for me.<\/p>\n

In the case of my two former partners, disappointed people do hurtful things to each other. I\u2019ve grown out of it enough to take responsibility for hurtful actions taken in youth, and be able to apologize. So by the time I was looking at their photos now, decades later, it was good to discover there was no one I had a negative charge about.<\/p>\n

I find headshot pics are like pancakes: I have to toss the first thousand. I was surprised by a few pics of myself during the 90\u2019s as those were my \u201cfat forties.\u201d I’m glad I got that under control. Let me back up:\u00a0 Earlier this week I\u2019d discovered a giant box of hard copy photos from the 70\u2019s thru the 90\u2019s. I spread them out atop the table in the living room. I preliminarily began to sort into decades, then into sub headings for jobs and husbands during that decade. Each set of photos was in a photolab envelope on which I\u2019d written the dates and who were in the photos. Once they were sorted, I began going through each individual envelope, tossing out the paper ads and discarding duplicates and error pics. Half the job was pulling apart the photos since the humidity over the years had stuck some of them together. Surprisingly not many, though. So far I’ve filled a 33 qt recycle bin. I\u2019ve been scanning and sending pics of their childhood selves to friends and family members.<\/p>\n

\"I<\/a>

I was pleased to discover I didn’t have a negative charge when seeing anyone’s photo<\/p><\/div>\n

A pal asked, “Isn’t it awkward to reconnect with a bunch of exes to give them pics that are 30-40 years old?” No, because (1) I’m an adult and (2) I don’t think of them as exes, I think of them as friends. Everyone has a different life now but we shared a moment in time. I got a kick out of being reminded of it and thought they and their family might also.<\/p>\n

I’m not sending pics of us together, just them on their own. I wouldn\u2019t send anything they\u2019d not want their parents, spouse and children to see. Mostly, the purging of pics included any that were unflattering, no closed eyes, no giant bites of food with mouth half open. And no, I don\u2019t have naked photos of your husband.<\/p>\n

I was glad to discover I felt at peace with each former partner. That I didn\u2019t feel anything was left unsaid, even with the two for whom the ending was bitter. Having found my place in it and forgiven myself for broken promises with someone I\u2019d agreed to partner with, it didn\u2019t matter if we ever spoke again in this lifetime or not. I felt complete. I had no unanswered questions.<\/p>\n

So going through the old photos has been a very freeing exercise. A weekend of deeply honest self reflection years after the fact is powerful and invaluable therapy. That is the biggest take away lesson from this Venus Retrograde\u2019s relationship karma. It\u2019s never too late to resolve a long ago issue, with people living or dead.<\/p>\n

RELATED: How to forgive and find closure if the other is unwilling, absent or dead<\/a><\/p>\n

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