{"id":42374,"date":"2015-08-04T19:41:10","date_gmt":"2015-08-05T00:41:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=42374"},"modified":"2015-09-16T04:05:52","modified_gmt":"2015-09-16T09:05:52","slug":"not-everyone-is-ready-for-their-world-to-change-even-if-it-means-emotional-freedom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/not-everyone-is-ready-for-their-world-to-change-even-if-it-means-emotional-freedom\/","title":{"rendered":"Not everyone is ready for their world to change, even if it means emotional freedom"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Blocking<\/a>

Blocking someone is like living with blinders on. Don’t let them send you into hiding. Don’t give them the power to steal your joy.<\/p><\/div>\n

This week several Facebook friends unknowingly friended a hacker. When I saw the mutual friends, I sent each a note to unfriend and report them as spam and change their password. Then, yesterday at a friend\u2019s computer we checked to see if she\u2019d friended the hacker. She and Dannia had. When I got home, I went to send Dannia a message letting her know, and I saw that she had blocked me. This same friend years ago cut off an entire group of friends, including me. But until the week before, I\u2019d seen her comments on a mutual friend\u2019s FB page. Apparently she didn\u2019t like seeing my comments, so she blocked me. My first thought was, Now that\u2019s creating your own reality!<\/em> Then I felt a little honored and humbled that she gave me so much power. That wasn\u2019t like her. Not the old her, anyway. I thought how synchronistic the Universe having me at the friend\u2019s computer to see her name, otherwise I may never have known I was blocked.\u00a0 If someone triggers me to negative emotion, I know there\u2019s something going on in me that could use some reflection<\/em><\/strong>. Not everyone is ready to look into a mirror, and it\u2019s none of my business if they ever do or not. It\u2019s just a limited way to live.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n

Removing your triggers. Identifying and working through them is what gives you emotional freedom. I purposely have no one blocked on Facebook. I know that if anyone rubs me the wrong way, that\u2019s a signal to take a look inside myself and see what I can clear next.\u00a0 I\u2019m giving someone way too much power over my life if I allow them to make me change what I do or where I go or who else I interact with.<\/p>\n

Or, if I\u2019m not yet ready for my world to change the way it would change if I interacted with particular people, I can just walk around with blinders on. To me, that is akin to living with an axe in the ceiling. You\u2019re afraid to walk under it, never knowing when the axe will fall. That\u2019s no way to live. But that feels familiar to many people. Just because something feels familiar and comfortable doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s good for you. When people go from one toxic or abusive relationship to another, for instance, it\u2019s because that is what feels normal, it\u2019s what feels familiar. Being able to adjust to an abnormal situation isn\u2019t always healthy. We all learn at our own pace.<\/p>\n

HOW I GOT CUT OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE<\/strong>
\nI had what I thought was a best friend for many years until she cut me and a handful of others off about ten years ago. Most were members of a weekly group she held. They were cut off when they said they\u2019d be breaking from the group to attend someone else\u2019s 12 week course. I was never told why I got cut off, but it happened right after a home project gone wrong.<\/p>\n

DANNIA OFFERS TO DO MY WALL<\/strong>
\nDannia had offered to take the wallpaper down in my living room to do an artistic faux finish to the wall.\u00a0 My right hand and arm were severely sprained and at the time, so she knew she’d have to do all of the hand work.\u00a0I knew nothing about the process she was going to do and she would not tell me ahead of time.\u00a0 I was told to just trust that she knew what she was doing.\u00a0 She had some product\u00a0to spray on the wallpaper that was supposed to let it lift the paper and backing easily from the wall.\u00a0 It not only didn’t do it easily, it appeared to not work much at all. It seemed no progress was being made but I go off to Home Depot for supplies and leave her to it.\u00a0 When I return, she has a change of plans and we are now not going to remove the wallpaper, but rather will cover over it with brown kraft paper using wallpaper glue.<\/p>\n

I TRUST AS ASKED AND I IGNORE THE RED FLAGS<\/strong>
\nSo we order that stuff, and long story short – skipping over lots of red flags\u00a0– she begins covering the walls with the brown kraft paper using the glue.\u00a0 And the glue is clearly marked Activator for Wallpaper Adhesive<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0As the glue dries, we begin painting the sample wall.\u00a0 As the wet paint goes on, the paper begins to lift away from the wall.\u00a0 Dannia says don’t worry about that, that will go away once the wall is sealed with the faux finish sealer stuff. Then, as it dries, bubbles of air begin to form underneath.\u00a0\u00a0One day later, an entire section has lifted away from the wall.<\/p>\n

I GET IN TROUBLE FOR SUGGESTING ANOTHER WAY TO DO IT<\/strong>
\nOn day 2, half of the sample wall has the paper hanging from it.\u00a0 In the meantime, still not knowing what she has in mind – I begin researching online about wall treatments.\u00a0 I find of course that removing the old wallpaper was a must.\u00a0 I tell Dannia my findings and she gets aggravated at me.\u00a0This took place over the course of a week and a half, each day me not knowing what day she could come or what day I would be free to take care of business since I wanted to do the wall on HER time.\u00a0 Each day she came, I made her take money for her time because well I know what people feel like when they feel under-compensated and I did not want to lose her friendship over money.\u00a0 And it was no easy feat getting Dannia to accept money.\u00a0 At this point, I was ready to pull the plug and was just now looking for a graceful way to end it.<\/p>\n

I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE<\/strong>
\nI called in a painter for an estimate, he gives me a reasonable one, I hire him on the spot when he takes 10 minutes to spray hot water on the wall and it immediately loosens up the old wallpaper and lets him scrape away the backing as it it were butter.\u00a0 The first day he came, he had half the wallpaper down in the time it took Dannia to cover\u00a0one wall with the kraft paper.<\/p>\n

I sent Dannia an email thanking her for the great inspiration she gave me and the impetus to begin some remodelling here. \u00a0 I told her that I’d decided to go another direction with the wall than what we originally talked about, but that I would not even have begun the project if not for her.\u00a0 Which was absolutely true.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the email I sent her:<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand if you’re tiffed at me.\u00a0 When I feel something isn’t working out and I can’t find a good feeling place about it, the best thing I’ve learned to do is cut loose of it as soon as I can. That is one reason that when friends help me, I always insist on paying them.\u00a0 That way they don’t feel I wasted their time. Without YOU to motivate me to do the wall, I would have not started it. Without YOU to inspire me to what is possible, I wouldn’t\u00a0have\u00a0changed. Although we did not agree on what and how it should be done, your inspiration was what got me motivated to make the changes. In the past, I have poured much time and $$ into projects, only to have to pay to redo it to satisfaction afterward (example:\u00a0plumbing job 5 years ago), or live with a result I don’t like (example: my flooring).\u00a0 In\u00a0these cases, I chose to have a friend\u00a0help rather than hire a professional, and didn’t know until many days and dollars later than we were in over our heads.\u00a0 Both of these were big expensive lessons. At least this time I\u00a0spent very little,\u00a0and for products\u00a0I can use\u00a0for other projects. I should not have let the project begin until I knew what I wanted and what my options were. The things I did AFTER we began are things I should have done beforehand: research on the internet,\u00a0talk to professionals and learn about wall finishes.\u00a0 Only when I know the basics of something can I relax. When 1\/4 of the paper came away from the wall by the window within 3 days, it was time for a professional opinion.\u00a0 A guy came out and was able to easily peel away 3\/4 of the paper from the sample wall with little effort.\u00a0 The backing underneath did\u00a0not look scored, it was smooth.\u00a0 He sprayed a solution on the wall and was able to immediately scrape the wallpaper backing down to the drywall.\u00a0 Had I known it was possible to have a product that did that so quickly, I would not have opted to cover the walls with the kraft paper. So even though this didn’t turn out like either of us envisioned, I am happy and excited about the new direction it has taken.\u00a0 And as a friend I know you are happy for me too.\u00a0 Or will be soon.
\n Andrea<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

And she has not\u00a0talked to me since. I am sad to lose her as a friend but I am not into the drama of arguing with\u00a0moody people.\u00a0 When a friend ticks me off, I let them know right then and I acknowledge\u00a0my part in attracting the situation.\u00a0 If it pisses me off, I know I’ve got an issue and it may have nothing to do with the one I’m mad at.\u00a0 Bless them on their path and leave them to it, and do my own work on myself until I can feel at peace with this person.<\/p>\n

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