{"id":32638,"date":"2013-10-10T13:07:49","date_gmt":"2013-10-10T17:07:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=32638"},"modified":"2013-12-05T04:56:04","modified_gmt":"2013-12-05T09:56:04","slug":"compelling-thoughts-discovering-the-emotion-behind-the-urge-and-the-thoughts-fueling-the-emotion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/compelling-thoughts-discovering-the-emotion-behind-the-urge-and-the-thoughts-fueling-the-emotion\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex as a drug, compelling thoughts, discovering the emotion behind the urge and the thoughts fueling the emotion"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a recent reading<\/a>, a friend began noticing a pattern in her new partner. \u00a0During the initial infatuation period, they had sex every day and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. \u00a0Then they settled into familiarity. He’d still initiate sex, but no romance, no foreplay, just straight forward, aggressive git ‘er done. \u00a0She asked him about it and he laughed it off. \u00a0She noticed that he’d always initiate sex when he was angry or bored, sad or frustrated. She felt he was using her as a mood altering drug. She felt no personal connection to him when he was like that. \u00a0He wasn’t interested in talking about it. \u00a0He didn’t think they had a problem. \u00a0The problem was less about sex than it was about willingness and ability to communicate.<\/p>\n

I experienced the same thing with a partner years ago. We were both on the personal growth path so we used it as a topic to investigate. \u00a0Instead of arguing about it when I noticed the pattern of him initiating sex as one would take a drug, I shared my observations with him. \u00a0I wanted to know the emotion behind the urge, and the thoughts fueling the emotion, and why the pattern. \u00a0He had a personality disorder and in rational times had good insight into his states of mind and liked to discuss it. \u00a0During times of stress,\u00a0persistent compelling thoughts would surface that he felt at the mercy of. \u00a0I introduced him to meditation<\/a>, to\u00a0the chakras system<\/a>, and to\u00a0kundalini management<\/a>. While it did not initially change his behavior, our spiritual practice together enabled him to gain perspective, to stand back and observe his actions and analyze his thoughts.<\/p>\n

He said the rushed, impersonal sexual encounters acted to release pressure for the minute he needed to get away from the anger, the sadness, the frustration, the boredom. It was what he needed to feel rebooted. He, too, felt more distant after each encounter, yet said when the compelling thoughts began, he was caught up in it and could not control the urge. When it crossed his mind that it might affect a friendship, he\u00a0wanted it to be over with as soon as possible. Then he felt shamed. \u00a0Until the pattern repeated itself.<\/p>\n

We both learned a lot about ourselves when we looked into the emotions and the thoughts fueling the emotions.\u00a0\u00a0For me it was an interesting experiment since I never during that relationship had to initiate sex, something my Aries nature never has a problem with. It’s like I got to be the girl for the entire duration. But, as an Aries friend of mine says, “Sometimes it has to be my idea.” Ah, the games we play to keep our astral bodies titillated…<\/p>\n

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