{"id":6509,"date":"2009-12-09T09:43:21","date_gmt":"2009-12-09T14:43:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=6509"},"modified":"2015-12-09T04:11:59","modified_gmt":"2015-12-09T09:11:59","slug":"compassion-constructive-criticism-and-the-sunburned-grouch-in-walmart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/compassion-constructive-criticism-and-the-sunburned-grouch-in-walmart\/","title":{"rendered":"Compassion, Constructive Criticism and the Sunburned Grinch in WalMart"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"angry<\/a>I live in Central Florida, an hour east of Disney and 15 miles from the Atlantic Ocean.\u00a0 It’s 75 degrees here this week; our typical holiday weather.\u00a0 Yesterday I was in WalMart having a fun conversation, as I often do<\/a>, in the checkout line with an older gentleman, in his 70’s-80’s. A 30-ish woman walks up in line behind him, clearly sunburned, and he jokes “getting a sunburn in wintertime, that will make the folks up north jealous<\/em>.”\u00a0 She replied “keep your comments to yourself assh*le<\/em>.” He looked crushed and humiliated. I put my arm around him and said, “if we had that sunburn, we’d be grouchy too.<\/em>” and I let her go ahead of me. He gave me a wink. That wink made me feel so happy. <\/p>\n

I’d posted it on Facebook and got lots of comments about it, a few that “people aren’t always just in pain, sometimes they are mean on purpose.”\u00a0 But to me, that is simply how they act out their pain<\/em>.\u00a0 I think people act as they have been trained to act.\u00a0 Some don’t know any better.\u00a0 They see the smart alecky, histrionic<\/a> behaviors of people on tv in public social situations and think that’s the way people act.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 They were abused psychologically as kids by parents who had hard lives and didn’t know how better to handle unruly offspring.\u00a0 They got it worse from their parents, who had even harder lives, who likely had more children and likely had even less income.<\/p>\n

We have more luxuries than we think.\u00a0 Not everyone has the leisure time to think, oh, my life is hard, let me sit and contemplate how to improve, what books can I read, what seminars can tell me how to get out of this mess. <\/em>No, these people often work around the clock, 2 and 3 jobs at a time.\u00a0 They have no leisure time to think about anything other than how to get the next meal on the table and how to pay for granddad’s medicine, and please God let Jimmy’s shoes last til Spring.<\/p>\n

No one gives them a break, no one is nice to them<\/em>, so they gruff and grumble their way through life, working their bodies to the bone and being unaware there is any other way to be.\u00a0 If they knew they had a choice, they would make the better choice.\u00a0 But they don’t have the luxury of leisurely thought time<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I wouldn’t say to them “oh, just think a new thought and you’ll begin to live a new life<\/em>“.\u00a0 There is no empty space in their consciousness to take in anything that does not resonate with where they are right now. <\/em><\/p>\n

If I’m not speaking to them in a language they understand, they don’t hear it.\u00a0 If I can’t place myself in their shoes, if I can’t say anything constructive, I am better off saying nothing.\u00a0 If I say something, it is meant to uplift and encourage and say “hey we’re all in this together, we’re figuring it out together. You’re not alone.<\/em>”<\/p>\n

I always welcome constructive criticism<\/a>, from friends and strangers alike.\u00a0 I define constructive<\/a> as promoting improvement or development<\/em>, when someone tells me specifically what they didn’t like and suggest specific improvements. Otherwise it’s just a complaint, and everyone is entitled to complain when their buttons are pushed.<\/p>\n

When my buttons get pushed, I know I’d better figure it out, then get over it and get on with it unless I want a molehill to turn into a mountain.\u00a0 And believe me, I’ve had enough practice at that<\/em>, that it’s easy for me to give the automatic kinder, gentler response when grouches get crabby in public.<\/p>\n

It took lots of years to train myself to do that, so I know it doesn’t come easy.\u00a0 But it’s easier than racking up a less-than lifetime <\/em>becuz I’m too lazy to discipline myself to do better.<\/p>\n

I’m just saying.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Add<\/a><\/p>\n

LEARN FREE: The Secret2Dollars.<\/a> No cost, no kidding. <\/span>
\n<\/span>LISTEN FREE<\/span>: Re-Program Your Consciousness<\/a><\/p>\n

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