One thing I always talk with new friends about is being honest in our communication. \u00a0That means speaking our minds freely, not holding back out or sugar coating it or making hints instead of outright saying it. \u00a0So when a friend gets angry yet they mask it and don\u2019t tell me, that does neither of us any good. If they hint around about something and I don\u2019t change, I clearly didn\u2019t get their hint. That doesn\u2019t help the relationship. \u00a0How do I know to stop chewing gum if you don\u2019t tell me it bugs you? And if you know when to walk away and don\u2019t, that dishonors both of us.<\/p>\n
I know the importance of words and their effect on people who hear them, so I never say what I don\u2019t mean, even in anger. \u00a0A friend told me once after an angry outburst, saying first one thing, then another: \u201cIsn\u2019t it clear that I don\u2019t know what I want?<\/em>\u201d How wise to have that glimpse into self and be able to admit it.<\/p>\n I once asked a friend when he was going to get around to doing xxx that he\u2019d promised months before. He\u2019d said to remind him in 3 months, and when I did, he flew off the handle and read off a list of things I did that annoyed him and he stormed out. Things were never the same again. \u00a0I don\u2019t understand why someone would react like that. Why not just answer the question? He never answered it, he cut me off completely.<\/p>\n As far as not telling someone what is bothering you, I can understand wanting to avoid telling someone who responds by verbal confrontation. \u00a0 I believe there\u2019s never a reason to lose your temper and go into screaming mode. \u00a0The only thing you\u2019re ever mad at anyway is someone failing to meet your expectation.<\/p>\n If I have a question, I ask it. \u00a0If something bothers me, I say it, in the moment of it. Oh I may let something slide a time or two, but if it really bothers me, I mention it. \u00a0No, you can\u2019t eat or smoke in my car. \u00a0Ok, your dog or kid can visit once. Once. \u00a0Yes, I like it when you put your dishes in the sink, thank you.<\/em> No vague hints, nothing left unsaid, no guesswork, no misunderstanding. Most importantly, no one\u2019s time wasted, it\u2019s all out front and center. \u00a0When everything is discussed, nothing gets bottled up so there\u2019s never a reason for a blow up.<\/p>\n A galpal last year said she delayed for two weeks\u00a0telling me to please shower\u00a0<\/a>and use deodorant after gardening if we were going to lunch. I laughed because she\u2019s right, I didn\u2019t always shower and I seldom wear deodorant. No one ever mentioned it before. Yet it bothered her and she chose to endure it and not tell me it was an issue, allowing me to offend who knows who else for those two weeks?\u00a0Not wanting to hurt my feelings?\u00a0<\/em>What I find offensive is someone who won\u2019t speak their mind when they have something to say. Someone who thinks a topic like this would \u201churt my feelings\u201d yet letting me be offensive to everyone else is \u201cokay.\u201d<\/p>\n An ex once told his new flame we didn\u2019t break up earlier because he didn\u2019t want to hurt my feelings. \u00a0More hurtful was sticking around and pretending to be into it when we both knew it\u2019s not a good match and we\u2019re both ready to move on. Big time waster for everyone!\u00a0 We could have parted as friends but he had no prior role model for that so he had to blow up. Don\u2019t hold someone back, cut them loose the second the feeling for them passes.\u00a0I welcome it when friends call me on my stuff as they do it to honor and improve our relationship with each other.<\/p>\n RELATED: \u00a0Why the angry act out as they do
\n<\/a>Not saying what’s on your mind because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings is unkind and disrespectful to both of you<\/a><\/p>\n