{"id":31365,"date":"2013-07-30T18:18:42","date_gmt":"2013-07-30T22:18:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=31365"},"modified":"2013-07-30T19:16:13","modified_gmt":"2013-07-30T23:16:13","slug":"hope-for-the-flowers-by-trina-paulus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/hope-for-the-flowers-by-trina-paulus\/","title":{"rendered":"Hope For The Flowers by Trina Paulus"},"content":{"rendered":"

*Hope was born…
\n<\/span>Chapter I \u00a0<\/span>ONCE UPON A TIME a tiny striped caterpillar burst from the egg which has been home for so long. \u201cHello World,\u201d he said. \u201cIt sure is bright out here in the sun.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\u201cI\u2019m hungry,\u201d he thought and straightway began to eat the leaf he was born on. And he ate another leaf\u2026 and another\u2026and another\u2026 and another. And he got bigger\u2026and bigger \u2026and bigger\u2026.\u00a0<\/span>Until one day he stopped eating and thought, \u201cThere must be more to life than just eating and getting bigger.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s getting dull.\u201d\u00a0So Striped crawled down from the friendly tree which had shaded and fed him.\u00a0<\/span>He was seeking more. There were all sorts of new things to find. Grass and dirt and holes and tiny bugs \u2013 each fascinated him. But nothing satisfied him.<\/span><\/p>\n

When he came across some other crawlers like himself he was especially excited. But they were so busy eating they had no time to talk \u2013 just as Stripe had been. \u201cThey don\u2019t know any more about life than I do,\u201d he sighed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then one day Striped saw some crawlers really crawling. He looked around for their goal and saw a great column rising high into the air. When he joined them he discovered the column was a pile of squirming, pushing, caterpillars \u2013 a caterpillar pillar.<\/p>\n

It appeared that the caterpillars were trying to reach the top — but the top was so lost in the clouds that Stripe had no idea what was there. He felt new excitement \u2013 like sap rising in the spring. \u201cMaybe I\u2019ll find what I\u2019m looking for.\u201d<\/p>\n

Full of agitation Stripe asked a fellow crawler: \u201cDo you know what\u2019s happening?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just arrived myself,\u201d said the other. \u201cNobody has time to explain; they\u2019re so busy trying to get wherever they\u2019re going-up there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what\u2019s at the top?\u201d continued Stripe.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one knows that either but it must be awfully good because everybody\u2019s rushing there. Good \u2013 bye; I\u2019ve no more time!\u201d He plunged into the pile.<\/p>\n

Stripe\u2019s head was bursting with the new drive. He couldn\u2019t get his thoughts together. Every second another crawler passed hem and disappeared into the pillar.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s only one thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

He pushed himself in.<\/p>\n

Chapter II<\/span><\/p>\n

THE FIRST MOMENTS on the pile were a shock. Stripe was pushed and kicked and stepped on from every direction. It was climb or be climbed… Stripe climbed. \u00a0No more fellow caterpillars on Stripe\u2019s pile \u2013 they became only threats and obstacles which he turned into stepping opportunities. This single \u2013 minded approach really helped and Stripe felt he was getting much higher.<\/span><\/p>\n

But some days it seemed he could manage only to keep this place. It was especially then that an anxious shadow nagged inside. \u201cWhat\u2019s at the top?\u201d it whispered. \u201cWhere are we going?\u201d<\/p>\n

On one exasperated day Stripe couldn\u2019t stand it any longer and actually yelled back: \u201cI don\u2019t know, but there\u2019s no time to think about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

A little yellow caterpillar he was crawling over gasped: \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was just talking to myself,\u201d Stripe mumbled. \u201cIt really isn\u2019t important \u2013 I was just wondering where we\u2019re going?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know,\u201d Yellow said, \u201cI was wondering that myself but since there\u2019s no way to find out I decided it wasn\u2019t important.\u201d She blushed at how silly this sounded \u2013 quickly adding, \u201cNo one else seems to worry about where we\u2019re going so it must be good.\u201d But she blushed again. \u201cHow far are we from the top?\u201d<\/p>\n

Stripe answered gravely, \u201cSince we\u2019re not at the bottom and not at the top we must be in the middle.\u201d\u201dOh,\u201d said Yellow, and they both began climbing again.<\/p>\n

But now Stripe had a new feeling. He felt bad. He had lost his single \u2013 mindedness. \u201cHow can I step on someone I\u2019ve just talked to?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Stripe avoided Yellow as much as possible, but one day there she was, blocking the only way up. \u201cWell, I guess it\u2019s you or me,\u201d he said, and stepped squarely on her head.<\/p>\n

Something in the way Yellow looked at him made him feel just awful about himself. Like: no matter what is up there \u2013 it just isn\u2019t worth it.<\/p>\n

Stripe crawled off Yellow and whispered, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

And Yellow began to cry: \u201cI could stand this life hoping in what was ahead until I met you talking to yourself that day. Since then my heart just hasn\u2019t been in it \u2013 but I don\u2019t know what to do.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t know how badly I felt about this life until then. Now when you look at me so kindly, I know for sure I don\u2019t like this life. I just want to do something like crawl with you and nibble grass.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stripe\u2019s heart leapt inside. Everything looked different. The pillar made no sense at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would like that too,\u201d he whispered. But this meant giving up the climb \u2013 a hard decision. \u201cYellow dear, maybe we\u2019re close to the top. Maybe if we help each other we can get there quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

But they both knew this wasn\u2019t what they wanted most.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go down,\u201d Yellow said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d And they stopped climbing.<\/p>\n

They clung to each other as masses of caterpillars crawled over them. The air was terrible but they were happy with each other and made a big ball so nobody could step in their eyes and stomachs.<\/p>\n

They did nothing at all for what seemed a long time. Suddenly they didn\u2019t feel anything crawling over them. They unrolled and opened their eyes. They were at the side of the caterpillar pillar.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHi Stripe,\u201d said Yellow.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Yellow,\u201d said Stripe.<\/p>\n

And they crawled off into some fresh, green grass to eat and take a nap.<\/p>\n

Just as before they fell asleep Stripe hugged Yellow. \u201cBeing together like this is sure different from being crushed in that crowd!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt sure is!\u201d She smiled and closed her eyes.<\/p>\n

Chapter III<\/span><\/p>\n

SO YELLOW AND STRIPE romped in the grass and ate and grew fat and loved each other. They were so glad not to be fighting everybody every moment.<\/p>\n

It was like heaven for a while. But as time passed even hugging each other seemed a little boring. Each knew every hair of the other. Stripe couldn\u2019t help wondering, \u201cThere must be still more to life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yellow saw how restless he was and tried to make him extra happy and comfortable. \u201cJust think how much better this is than that awful mess we left,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we don\u2019t know what\u2019s at the top,\u201d he answered. \u201cMaybe we were wrong to come down. Maybe now that we\u2019ve rested the two of us could make it to the top.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Stripe, please,\u201d she begged. \u201cWe have a nice home and we love each other and that\u2019s enough. It\u2019s so much more than all those lonely climbers have.\u201d<\/p>\n

She was so sure, Stripe let her convince him. But only for awhile — Stripe\u2019s hankering for the climbing life worsened. The pillar haunted him. He crawled there regularly, looking up and wondering. But the top remained clouded.<\/p>\n

One day at the pillar, three thuds startled Stripe. Three big caterpillars had fallen from someplace and smashed. Two seemed dead but one still wiggled. Stripe whispered, \u201cWhat happened? Can I help?\u201d<\/p>\n

He made out just a few words. \u201cThe top \u2026 they\u2019ll see \u2026 butterflies alone \u2026.\u201d The caterpillar died.<\/p>\n

Stripe crawled home and told Yellow. \u201cI\u2019ve got to know. I must go and find out the secret of the top.\u201d And more gently, \u201cWill you come and help me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Yellow struggled inside. She loved Stripe and wanted to be with him. She wanted to help him succeed. But \u2013 she just couldn\u2019t believe that the top was worth all it asks to go there. She wanted to get \u201cup\u201d too; the crawling life wasn\u2019t enough for her either. She also had to admit that it looked like the pile was the only way to do it. Stripe seemed so sure that Yellow felt ashamed not to agree. She also felt stupid and embarrassed since she could never put her reasons into words that his kind of logic would accept. Yet somehow, waiting and not being sure was better than action she wouldn\u2019t believe in.<\/p>\n

She couldn\u2019t explain, she couldn\u2019t prove anything \u2013 but for all her love she couldn\u2019t go with Stripe. She just knew climbing was a wrong way to get high.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she said, heartsick. And Stripe left her for his climb.<\/p>\n

Chapter IV<\/span><\/p>\n

YELLOW WAS DESOLATE WITHOUT STRIPE. She crawled daily to the pile looking for him and returned home at night sad, but half relieved that she never saw him. If she had, she feared she might plunge after him knowing that she shouldn\u2019t. She felt like doing something, anything, rather than this uncertain waiting.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat in the world do I really want?\u201d she sighed. \u201cIt seems different every few minutes. But I know there must be more.\u201d Finally, she became numb and wandered away from everything familiar.<\/p>\n

One day a grey-haired caterpillar hanging upside down on a branch surprised her. he seemed caught in some hairy stuff.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou seem in trouble,\u201d she said. \u201cCan I help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, my dear, I have to do this to become a butterfly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her whole insides leapt. \u201cButterfly \u2013 that word,\u201d she thought. \u201cTell me, sir, what is a butterfly?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s what you are meant to become. It flies with beautiful wings and joins the earth to heaven. It drinks only nectar from the flowers and carries the seeds of love from one flower to another. Without butterflies the world would soon have few flowers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt can\u2019t be true!\u201d gasped Yellow. \u201cHow can I believe there\u2019s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow does one become a butterfly?\u201d she asked pensively.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean to die?\u201d asked Yellow, remembering the three who fell out of the sky.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes and No,\u201d he answered. \u201cWhat looks like you will die but what\u2019s really you will still live. Life is changed, not taken away. Isn\u2019t that different from those who die without ever becoming butterflies?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if I decide to become a butterfly,\u201d said Yellow hesitantly. \u201cWhat do I do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWatch me. I\u2019m making a cocoon. It looks like I\u2019m hiding, I know, but a cocoon is no escape. It\u2019s an in-between house where the change takes place. It\u2019s a big step since you can never return to caterpillar life. During the change, it will seem to you or to anyone who might peek that nothing is happening \u2013 but the butterfly is already becoming. It just takes time! And there something else! Once you are a butterfly, you can really love \u2013 the kind of love that makes new life. It\u2019s better than all the hugging caterpillars can do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, let me go and get Stripe,\u201d Yellow said. But she sadly knew he was too far into the pile to possibly reach.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be sad,\u201d said her new friend. \u201cIf you change, you can fly and show him how beautiful butterflies are. Maybe he will want to become one too!\u201d<\/p>\n

Yellow was torn in anguish:\u201dWhat if Stripe comes back and I\u2019m not there? What if he doesn\u2019t recognize my new self? Suppose he decides to stay a caterpillar? At least we can do something as caterpillars \u2013 we can crawl and eat. We can love in some way. How can two cocoons get together at all? How awful to get stuck in a cocoon!\u201d How can she risk the only life she knew when it seemed so unlikely she could ever be a glorious winged creature? What did she have to go on? \u2013Seeing another caterpillar who believed enough to make his own cocoon. \u2013And that peculiar hope which had kept her off the pillar and leapt within her when she heard about butterflies.<\/p>\n

The grey-haired caterpillar continued to cover himself with silky threads. As he wove the last bit around his head he called: \u201cYOU\u2019LL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY \u2013 we\u2019re all waiting for you!\u201d<\/p>\n

And Yellow decided to risk for a butterfly. For courage she hung right beside the other cocoon and began to spin her own. \u201cImagine, I didn\u2019t even know I could do this. That\u2019s some encouragement that I\u2019m on the right track. If I have inside me the stuff to make cocoons \u2013 maybe the stuff of butterflies is there too.\u201d<\/p>\n

CHAPTER V<\/span><\/p>\n

STRIPE MADE MUCH faster progress this time. He was bigger and stronger since he had taken time out. From the beginning he determined to get to the top. He especially avoided meeting the eyes of other crawlers. He knew how fatal such contact could be.<\/p>\n

He tried not to think of Yellow.\u00a0He disciplined himself neither to feel nor to be distracted.<\/span><\/p>\n

Stripe didn\u2019t seem just \u201cdisciplined\u201d to others \u2013 he seemed ruthless. Even among climbers he was special. He didn\u2019t think he was against anybody. He was just doing what he had to do if he was to get to the top.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t blame me if you don\u2019t succeed! It\u2019s a tough life. Just make up your mind,\u201d he would have said had any caterpillar complained.<\/p>\n

Then one day he was near his goal.<\/p>\n

Stripe had done well but when light finally filtered down from the top, he was close to exhaustion. At this height there was almost no movement. All held their positions with every skill a lifetime of climbing had taught them. Every small move counted terribly. There was no communication. Only the outsides touched.<\/span><\/p>\n

They were like cocoons to one another. Then one day Stripe heard a crawler above him saying, \u201cNone of us can get any higher without getting rid of them.\u201d Soon after, he felt tremendous pressure and shaking. Then came screams and falling bodies. Then silence; lots more light and less weight from above. Stripe felt awful with his new knowledge. The mystery of the pillar was clearing. He now knew what had happened to the three caterpillars. He now knew what must always happen on the pillar.<\/p>\n

Frustration surged through Stripe. But as he was agreeing this was the only way \u201cup\u201d he heard a tiny whisper form the top: \u201cThere\u2019s nothing here at all!\u201d It was answered by another: \u201cQuiet, fool! They\u2019ll hear you down the pillar. We\u2019re where they want to get. That\u2019s what here!\u201d Stripe felt frozen. To be so high and not high at all! It only looked good from the bottom. The whisper came again. \u201cLook over there \u2013 another pillar \u2013 and there too \u2013 everywhere!\u201d<\/p>\n

Stripe became angry as well frustrated. \u201cMy pillar,\u201d he moaned, \u201conly one of thousands. Millions of caterpillars climbing nowhere! Something is really wrong but \u2026 what else is there?\u201d<\/p>\n

His life with Yellow seemed so far away. That wasn\u2019t it either \u2013 not quite. \u201cYellow!\u201d He let her image fill his being. \u201cYou knew something, didn\u2019t you? Was it courage to wait? Maybe she was right. I wish I were with her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI could go down,\u201d he thought. \u201cI\u2019d look ridiculous but maybe it\u2019s better than what\u2019s happening here.\u201d<\/p>\n

But Stripe\u2019s thought was interrupted by bursts of movement all over his level. Each seemed to be making a last effort to find some entry to the top. But with every push the top layer tightened.<\/p>\n

Finally one caterpillar gasped, \u201cUnless we try together nobody will reach the top. Maybe if we give one big push! They can\u2019t hold us down forever!\u201d<\/p>\n

But before they could act there were cries and commotion of another kind. Stripe struggled to the edge to see the cause. A brilliant yellow winged creature was circling the pillar, moving freely \u2013 a wonderful sight! How does it get so high without climbing?<\/p>\n

When Stripe poked out his head the creature seemed to recognize him. It extended its legs and tried to grab him. Stripe caught himself just before being pulled out of the pile.<\/p>\n

The brilliant creature let go and looked sadly to his eyes. That look activated excitement Stripe hadn\u2019t felt since he first saw the pillar. Words from the past returned, \u201c\u2026 butterflies alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this a butterfly?\u201d And what did it mean \u2013 \u201cThe top\u2026 they\u2019ll see \u2026\u201d? It was all so strange and yet like it was supposed to be. And those eyes with the look of Yellow. Could it be?<\/p>\n

Such impossible thoughts! Yet excitement inside wouldn\u2019t stop. He grew happy. Somehow he could escape, he could be carried away. But as this possibility became real, something else grew inside. He felt he shouldn\u2019t escape like this.<\/p>\n

Looking into the creature\u2019s eyes he could hardly bear the love he saw there. He felt unworthy. He wanted to change, to make up for all the times he had refused to look at the other. He tried to tell her what he felt. He stopped struggling. The others stared at him as though he were mad.<\/p>\n

Chapter VI<\/span><\/p>\n

Stripe turned around and began to go down the pillar. This time he didn’t curl up. He stretched out full length and looked straight into the eyes of each caterpillar. He marveled at their beauty, amazed that he had never noticed it before. He whispered to each caterpillar: “I’ve been up. There’s nothing there.”<\/p>\n

Most paid no attention. They were too intent on climbing. One said: “It’s sour grapes.” But some were shocked and even stopped climbing to hear him better. One of these whispered in anguish: “Don’t say it, even if it’s true. What else can we do?” Stripe’s answer shocked them all, including himself: “We can fly! We can become butterflies! There’s nothing at the top and it doesn’t matter!”<\/p>\n

As he heard his own message he realized how he had misread the instinct to get high. To get to the ‘top’ he must fly, not climb. Stripe looked at each caterpillar inebriated with joy that there could be a butterfly inside. But the reaction was worse than before. He saw fear in their eyes. This news was too good to be true. And if it wasn’t? The hope that lit up the pillar dimmed. The way down was so long. Doubt flooded Stripe. The pile took on horrible dimensions. He struggled on. It seemed wrong to give up believing. Yet believing seemed impossible. A crawler sneered: “How could you swallow such a story? Our life is earth and climbing. Look at us worms! We couldn’t be butterflies inside. Just enjoy caterpillar living!”<\/p>\n

“Perhaps he’s right,” sighed Stripe. “I haven’t any proof. Did I make it up because I needed it?” He continued down, searching for those eyes, which would let him whisper: “I saw a butterfly\u2014there can be more to life.”<\/p>\n

Finally, he was down.<\/p>\n

Tired and sad, Stripe crawled off to the old place where Yellow and he had romped. She was not there. He was too exhausted to go further. He fell asleep. When he finally awoke he found the yellow creature fanning him with wings of light.<\/p>\n

“Is this a dream?” he wondered. But the dream creature acted awfully real. She stroked him with her feelers and looked at him so lovingly that he began to trust what he had said about becoming a butterfly. The butterfly walked a little distance, then flew back. She repeated it as if indicating that he should follow her. Stripe complied, and they came to a branch from which hung two torn sacks. The creature kept on inserting her head, then her tail, into one of them. Then she would fly to him and touch him. Her feelers quivered and Stripe knew she was speaking. Slowly he seemed to understand. Somehow he knew what to do. Stripe began making a cocoon. And Yellow waited. It got darker and Stripe was afraid. He felt he had to let go of everything.<\/p>\n

Until one day\u2026<\/p>\n

The Beginning.<\/p>\n

Pdf book Hope For The Flowers by Trina Paulus<\/a><\/p>\n

Interview with author Trina Paulus<\/a><\/p>\n

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