{"id":29485,"date":"2013-06-04T18:39:33","date_gmt":"2013-06-04T22:39:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=29485"},"modified":"2015-09-26T23:53:28","modified_gmt":"2015-09-27T04:53:28","slug":"pretend-to-reconcile-with-a-mate-just-to-get-back-at-an-ex-thats-just-playing-with-her-heart-and-her-kids-hearts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/pretend-to-reconcile-with-a-mate-just-to-get-back-at-an-ex-thats-just-playing-with-her-heart-and-her-kids-hearts\/","title":{"rendered":"Pretend to reconcile with a mate just to get back at an ex? That’s just playing with her heart and her kids’ hearts"},"content":{"rendered":"

In July 2011, I wrote about\u00a0The ladies man who presents himself as a guru and a soulmate<\/a>. \u00a0A few weeks ago, his current fiancee made a Facebook post that she was heartbroken and devastated that he could leave her, literally bedridden, after promising he was brought into her life to help her heal from other physical problems. I know him to be a sociopath<\/a> and a narcisscist<\/a>. \u00a0I sent a note of support and we had a brief private conversation. \u00a0She wrote “he’s been with me pretty much 24\/7 for over a year, so i know he’s not been cheating.” \u00a0I knew he became engaged to her within weeks of leaving his last (secret) relationship<\/a>. \u00a0I didn’t need to tell her that.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0A day later she wrote on my FB wall, “Thank you, Andrea, I grew up a little bit more today.<\/em>” \u00a0A day later, she said she’d done her own research, including speaking with her ex. \u00a0He’d convinced her that based on my intervention, they were now back together and had me to thank for it. \u00a0It would be laughable in that I expected no less from him, laughable except that this is a woman’s heart and mind and health he is playing with. \u00a0A woman with small children living in the same home with her. \u00a0Under no circumstances is that funny.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

She was (rightfully, because she didn’t have the facts and was believing only what he said) irked at me and let me know in no uncertain terms what she thought of me. \u00a0That’s fine. \u00a0He was likely standing over her telling her what to type. \u00a0I understand. \u00a0Love makes us do wild things. Been there, done that. I get it. She made a bit of a threat in a Facebook message so I told her no hard feeling but I’d block her until they were apart again. \u00a0I blocked her.<\/p>\n

I then wrote\u00a0To the newly hurt, disillusioned and reconciled<\/a>:\u00a0 “No one knows who or what we\u2019ve talked about unless YOU tell them. You want the matter dropped? Then drop it and it will be, no one the wiser. \u00a0Your choice. Reconciliation will halt your probing further into your partner\u2019s history.\u00a0 Perhaps that was the point.” I have no idea if she saw it.<\/p>\n

Her ex is always ready to do the Light vs. Dark battle, it’s always Us vs. Them with him. When there was no one to fight, well, he was stuck being merely in a family relationship with a loving, trusting woman and mother who defends his honor loud and long. \u00a0Out of the fanfare. No plebian life for him. Time to move on.<\/p>\n

For her, painful as it may be, it’s the good news. There’s no shame in having someone take advantage of your good nature. \u00a0If they do you wrong, they make you strong. \u00a0Rejection is protection. \u00a0Now it just takes time being focused in a new direction, and that will come. \u00a0I am here for her if she chooses to re-engage me. I never hold against someone what they’ve said in anger to me over misinformation or in bouts of mental strain. \u00a0WE\u00a0are ALL there is. \u00a0If we’re not here for each other, what’s the point? \u00a0I unblocked her if she wants to connect. \u00a0And we never have to talk about that topic again.<\/span><\/p>\n

UPDATE: Two months after I wrote this, he left again*, contacting all her friends telling them how crazy and unstable she is. \u00a0That’s what they do.\u00a0 He’s also suing her for funds he claims he’s entitled to. When anyone claims to have a bunch of crazy exes, ask yourself what the common denominator is.\u00a0 This is him –> The ladies man who presents himself as a guru and a soulmate<\/a>.
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They didn’t know their partner had a secret life<\/a>
\nProfile of the Sociopath and the Narcisscist
\n<\/a>How to spot a sociopath – 10 red flags
\n<\/a>Beware the narcissist disguised as your soul mate<\/a><\/p>\n

* I share these here because it is a Universal scenario. In the last 30 years I’ve counseled with hundreds of women with the same story.
\nFrom posts August 2013: How many times I heard my ex tell stories about what an insane, psycho bitch his ex-wife was, how frigid and unloving his common-law wife was, and how stupid and useless his first wife was. IT’S NEVER THE NARCISSIST’S FAULT. Did you know I’m a terrible mother who’s mentally unstable and belongs in a psychiatric institution? That’s the story he tells about ME. If you’re his next victim–don’t worry, eventually he’ll have a defaming story to tell about you, too. And when he tells it, they’ll be a tear in his eye and a sad little catch in his voice, poor dear.\u00a0 The moral: Learn to identify and stay away from narcissists.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"sociopath<\/a>Psychopaths look just like the rest of us. If you want to try to pick them out, look for the trail of disaster that follows them. Look for the string of jobs they can’t keep (because they can’t get along with anyone, although that won’t be the reason they tell you) or the “crazy” women from past relationships (they tells you they’re crazy so you won’t believe them when they try to tell people they were abused). Look for the stories that don’t add up, or the kids they don’t support. Look for the arrogance, and the failure to ever accept responsibility for a mistake. And the lies… oh, the lies…<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

And finally,<\/p>\n

from a friend.<\/p>\n

\n

To the soon to be Mrs. Right: Apology From the Exes<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/header>\n
\n
\u00a0We apologize,\u00a0My sisters and I.<\/div>\n

If our misery and healing process, has caused you any distress.
\nHe is indeed Prince Charming, each of us own a pair of sparkling, glass slippers.
\nWe have wet them with our tears, and polished them with our pain.
\nWe are sorry if our anger, interrupts your date night.
\nIt is part of the process, of healing, and letting him go,
\nRemembering that our interrupted date nights,
\nWere shattered by the anger of those who went before.<\/span><\/p>\n

We are sorry,
\nIf we cannot tell others,
\nHow wonderful he is.
\nThere have been enough lies,
\nThat\u2019s his style, not ours.
\nWe are sorry if our crazy,
\nBi-polar, borderline, behavior,
\nIs destroying the best days of your life,
\nHe singled us out,
\nBecause of these traits,
\nOr drove us to them.<\/p>\n

Something about us,
\nEach one of us,
\nAttracted him to us,
\nAs he is attracted to you.<\/p>\n

But surely he is healed,
\nWe are the crazy ones,
\nBecause he said it to you,
\nAs he said it to us.<\/p>\n

Our deepest apologies,
\nIf our friends and family who love us,
\nAttack him, or speak badly of him,
\nIt\u2019s about us, not you,
\nAnd one day, you might discover,
\nThat friends are a good thing to have.<\/p>\n

Yes, we are sorry,
\nIf we caused any trouble,
\nWe sincerely hope that you are as happy with him,
\nAs we were before he found us to be,
\nInferior, unattractive, lacking,
\nHaving outlived our usefulness.<\/p>\n

We are not crazy,
\nBut we once were,
\nBut now that the virus has been neutralized,
\nOur healing can begin.<\/p>\n

Congratulations,
\nOn your new love.
\nWe are crazy,
\nLike all our sisters before us,
\nAnd I\u2019m sure things are different for you.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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