{"id":20414,"date":"2012-08-09T14:43:04","date_gmt":"2012-08-09T18:43:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=20414"},"modified":"2015-07-21T15:35:48","modified_gmt":"2015-07-21T20:35:48","slug":"be-happy-or-be-out-of-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/be-happy-or-be-out-of-there\/","title":{"rendered":"Be Happy Or Be Out Of There"},"content":{"rendered":"

This morning,\u00a0Domino<\/a>\u00a0begins to tell me all the problems she’s having with her boyfriend. \u00a0She’s not complaining, since she’s paying me for the call<\/a>.\u00a0She and I have had this conversation several times through the 15 out of 18 years she’s been with him. \u00a0I stopped her from reciting her long list of his faults and transgressions and asked why she doesn’t move out and be done with it. \u00a0“I can’t afford it. \u00a0He pays the bills.” \u00a0I understand, but you’ve been telling me this for 15 years. \u00a0As soon as you choose to take control of your own thoughts<\/a> and do something about it, you’ll be on to happier times.<\/em><\/p>\n

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She said their relationship isn’t like it used to be. \u00a0They used to go out and do things together and she liked to dress up and be seen. \u00a0Now they never go anywhere “because it costs too much.” \u00a0She feels like a maid and mother, picking up after him. \u00a0I told her to stop doing that. \u00a0She said she couldn’t stand looking at the mess.
\nShe said even a roommate would have more respect for their surroundings. \u00a0They haven’t had sex in years although there is the occasional cuddle. \u00a0They used to consider themselves “married.” \u00a0Now she doesn’t know if they are boyfriend and girlfriend or roommates or what?<\/p>\n

I asked her what she wanted the two of them to be. \u00a0I told her it doesn’t have to be just one label. \u00a0When she feels like a roommate, she should enjoy the privacy and emotional detachment she perceives. \u00a0When she feels like a lover, she should enjoy expressing herself that way. \u00a0When she feels like a maid, she should choose a better feeling thought and either be happy or be out of there.<\/p>\n

The better feeling thought is that this man for 18 years has paid all of her bills and put a roof over her head. \u00a0She’s had free rent and groceries for 18 years. \u00a0You have to honor a man who is willing to do that. \u00a0A little cleaning up is not a big price to pay. \u00a0If she grumbled less, he’d pout and isolate less. \u00a0If she \u00a0made up her mind to stay focused on finding enjoyable things to do without him, that would be taking her attention OFF the problem and giving the time and space to let a solution unfold. \u00a0Not to mention once she stops nagging, either he’ll feel more cuddly more often or she’ll attract someone who will. \u00a0Either way, everyone wins.<\/p>\n

Or she can simply chose to complain to everyone about her sad and sorry plight and do nothing to take herself out of it and remain there another 15 years. \u00a0The beauty of it is — it will be her choice.<\/p>\n

RELATED POST: \u00a0Get Over It\u00a0<\/a>
\nRELATED POST:\u00a0Are you in a Relationship or Just Filling in the Blanks?<\/a>
\n<\/a>RELATED POST:\u00a0\u00a0<\/a>Good Girls, Spiritual Seekers: Why Do We Like The Bad Boys?<\/a>\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

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