{"id":1941,"date":"2009-02-24T06:31:46","date_gmt":"2009-02-24T11:31:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=1941"},"modified":"2016-06-20T00:57:08","modified_gmt":"2016-06-20T05:57:08","slug":"i-dont-always-notice-when-im-getting-stressed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/i-dont-always-notice-when-im-getting-stressed\/","title":{"rendered":"I don’t always notice when I’m getting stressed"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don’t always notice when I’m getting stressed. But something my brother said made me realize that the more stressed I get, the more controlling I become, and the more I begin to micro manage things around me. Like telling my mailing helpers how to put magazines in an envelope and how to seal it… Usually I’m Mz. Go With The Flow<\/em>, but when I’m stressed my myth is that I either have to do it myself or I have to supervise every step of it. If you’re one of my buddies, you are laughing hysterically at me just realizing I do this, while you’ve watched it for years. Ok, I laughed, too.
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What my brother said that got me thinking was when he mentioned a situation at work where a fellow worker said he was a blessing to their group since he stood up for the rights of the ones who won’t speak up for themselves.\u00a0 Brothermine is really a humble and unassuming guy and doesn’t seek attention, so of course he gets it.\u00a0 He said, “I didn’t set out to be the masked crusader<\/a>.\u00a0 I’ve always been the soft hearted fool ready to take on the establishment to right a wrong.\u00a0You are right, I try too much to reduce other people’s loads.\u00a0 But <\/em>even\u00a0if it hurts me personally, I still get satisfaction from doing it.\u00a0 I wonder if I’m that way because I couldn’t control my life’s situation as a kid, and now I feel like I can control any situation?\u00a0 Or maybe I’m just afraid that if I don’t control things, they too will control me.<\/em>“<\/span><\/p>\n

I replied to him, “that was pretty profound thing you just said.\u00a0 I was noticing this week that when I’m\u00a0stressed,\u00a0I begin to micro-manage things around me.\u00a0 I begin to start taking control of crazy little things, like how my helpers should set up their work stations, etc.\u00a0 My first thought was that likely because I had so little control over things growing up, that now I “want to make sure it gets done right” and I have specific ideas on what “right” is and specific ideas on what “on time” is.”\u00a0 OMG I’ve turned into our father…<\/em><\/p>\n

That’s a common bond we have.\u00a0 Not only that we shared a controlling, domineering, irrational disciplinarian of a father, who was both psychologically and physically abusive.\u00a0 Our common bond is that we take note of these realizations as they occur and share them with each other in the spirit of identifying and resolving any issues that need resolution.\u00a0\u00a0 We never sit and bemoan our miserable growing up and how horrid it was living with our dad, because we just don’t think of it that way.<\/p>\n

We realize he had big problems, emotional problems as well as drug and alcohol problems.\u00a0 He was bipolar. He wasn’t a partier, he didn’t go to bars, but he took pain killers for a back injury.\u00a0 When the pills weren’t working enough after a long day of construction, he’d drink some Canadian Club.\u00a0 We’d be pushing the limits, like teens do, not realizing what he was going through internally.\u00a0 We both realize that now, of course, so we don’t blame or judge.\u00a0 But it’s nice to have someone who understands and shares a realization like that, that triggers my own realization of what I also do that I don’t realize I’m doing.<\/p>\n

What I do to Unstress<\/strong>
\nWhen I am feeling stressed, my sure cure remedy is be alone, in the silence, in dim lighting, in cool air.\u00a0 If it’s in nature, all the better.\u00a0 If it’s holed up in my studio, that’s fine, too.\u00a0 The silence is the most important factor.\u00a0 I’ll turn off phones and let friends and family know I’ve “gone underground” so they don’t freak if they don’t hear from me.\u00a0 I check email even when I’m underground, in case there’s an emergency.<\/p>\n

I’ll do a variety of physical actions to help the un-stressing begin.\u00a0 Do some yoga, ride my bike, use my little 8 lbs weights for some upper body strength repetitions, climb a favorite tree for a bird’s eye view, move furniture around.<\/p>\n

Moving furniture is one of my favorite ways to de-stress, because it gives me something new to look at.\u00a0 My house is set up so that I can move things around in a variety of ways in a variety of rooms, and I do it every few months.\u00a0 There’s something about coming into my own space, with my own beloved things around me all placed in a new arrangement, that simply delights me.<\/p>\n

I change out the lighting also.\u00a0 I have overhead ceiling lights if I need them, but I typically just use a lamp right where I am sitting.\u00a0 And not to save electricity, I just enjoy a darkened room with light focused only on what I’m doing.\u00a0 The darkness feels good to me when I’m stressed.\u00a0 It feels healing, especially combined with the silence.\u00a0 It’s a very soothing balm to me. \u00a0My place has the best mojo ever, ask anyone who’s been here.<\/p>\n

\"two<\/a>And that’s the beauty of modern technology.\u00a0 Because of the computer, I am able to work in silence.\u00a0 I can sit in a quiet, darkened room and rest and recharge and still talk to everyone I know, like I’m doing now with you.\u00a0 Feels cozy, doesn’t it?\u00a0 Just you and me sitting here in the dim parlor, drinking our hot tea and chatting silently together.\u00a0 Nice.<\/p>\n

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