{"id":15562,"date":"2011-06-22T08:39:15","date_gmt":"2011-06-22T12:39:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/?p=15562"},"modified":"2020-05-10T20:42:42","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T01:42:42","slug":"a-friend-reads-me-the-riot-act-for-the-wake-i-leave-behind-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horizonsmagazine.com\/blog\/a-friend-reads-me-the-riot-act-for-the-wake-i-leave-behind-me\/","title":{"rendered":"A friend reads me the riot act for the wake I leave behind me. Even buying ripe bananas brings up my commitment issues."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Too much commitment<\/p><\/div>\n

A long time friend wrote me yesterday and gave me a little heck for not making time for them. \u00a0It’s a real life friend who’s really a favorite and I’m always stoked when I come across them out in public. \u00a0 “Friendship is about participation, ” they wrote, “You don’t do that. At least with me.\u00a0I’m not going belabor it. \u00a0It’s not the first time by far. \u00a0I know you have the time crunch thing. \u00a0I’m OK with that. \u00a0I don’t need your regular participation. \u00a0Just quality participation.\u00a0You’re so busy juggling so many things. \u00a0You don’t see the wake behind you, pure and simple. \u00a0You have been doing it for such a long time it doesn’t register. \u00a0 Surprising you don’t burn out, or become bipolar over it. \u00a0I used to know people that would do loads of coke, probably doesn’t come close to your level of voluminous thought or work. \u00a0 \u00a0Anyway it’s probably not going to change and you don’t seem to be able to connect with this. I’m dropping it. \u00a0Now. \u00a0Good luck. \u00a0You call this loving what you do.”\u00a0Ouch. \u00a0Point taken. \u00a0I can’t disagree. \u00a0I know in living the way I do, and doing the work I do, I forego a lot of social interaction with friends by choice. \u00a0 Sure, work is always waiting to be done, but it’s always my choice in the moment whether “working” or socializing will bring me the most personal reward and satisfaction. \u00a0It’s seldom about anything else.<\/span><\/p>\n

I used to commit ahead of time to doing things with friends, yet when the time would come and other priorities came to the fore, I’d often cancel plans and opt to do what I felt was the most important or the most fun. \u00a0That didn’t win me any popularity contests and ended up with friends getting ticked at me. \u00a0I learned to stop commiting to be anywhere. \u00a0If the time came and I wanted to make myself available, that was when I knew I’d attend. \u00a0Friends know now that if they want to know if I’ll be somewhere, they’ll call or text me 20 minutes beforehand and see if I’m on my way.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s not that I don’t want to see them or hang with them, it’s just that I’ve learned to follow my heart. \u00a0And if my heart’s not in it, you won’t see my body there. \u00a0If my heart’s not in it, I get my hands out of it, period.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do I have commitment issues? \u00a0You can think of it that way. \u00a0I call it not being tied to one thing when my heart’s in something else. \u00a0 I can’t even commit to buying ripe bananas. \u00a0I love bananas. I especially like to buy green ones. The yellow ones bring up all my commitment issues. Will it be ripe before I\u2019m ready for it? \u00a0Will I place yet another banana in the freezer for that smoothie that never materializes? \u00a0Will I guilt trip myself for doing that? \u00a0Will I beat myself up for guilt tripping myself?<\/span><\/p>\n

Buying yellow bananas can bring up all sorts of issues if I\u2019m not careful. \u00a0But when I buy green bananas, well, that changes the storyline! \u00a0I begin to look forward to them turning yellow. \u00a0Every day I walk by and wonder how much longer they are going to take. \u00a0Sometimes they play really hard to get, taking a week or more. \u00a0They know that gets to me. \u00a0They like to play with my head. They are playing coy Venus to my Aries Mars. \u00a0And yes, I know if I keep up like this I may find myself at the end of my life, me and my computer, alone, holding my banana. \u00a0But for now it’s my recipe for peace of mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

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