Relationship Or Not? Everything is Relationship

Dancing the cosmic dance

I got a neat email from someone the other day.  She writes:  I read your Facebook blogs in addition to your Horizons monthly article and I admire your life. May I ask you an intensely personal question…are you in a relationship?   I ask because there is no indication that you are and if not, you seem supremely happy with your life the way it is. And I would like my life to be as content as yours seems to be. You seem to have found the key. Relationship or not. I so loved the email that I posted it on my Facebook Wall. I commented:Well, besides being in a relationship with every single other being – physical and nonphysical – in the entirety of the Universe? No individual partner, no. I haven’t pair bonded in years. Maybe that’s the key :)”  I was only partly kidding.

Facebook friend Valerie Saurer said:  Andrea, that’s one of the things that I admire about you. You’re clearly and unapologetically single, and I’ve never gotten the vibe from you that you’re unhappy with your status. You exude total contentment with every word you write. You are proof that single and lonely are completely unrelated states.

I told her I think it’s like when you retire and find so many things to do that you wonder how you ever had time for a job.  I have so many fulfilling relationships with friends and family that I can’t imagine feeling any more in love if it was focused upon one person.  In fact, that’s been one of my issues in the past.  When I’ve gotten into relationships, my tendency historically had been to saturate myself completely in the boyfriend, and then I don’t feel like doing any work.  All I want to do is play with the new man until the infatuation ends or we burn it out or got married.

When I stopped doing that, I realized I had tons of time and incentive to do the work I do.  And the deeper I get into my work – which is my mission as well – the happier and more content with my life I become.  Also the less likely to initiate change.  You know, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. My man would have to be really happy without me a lot unless he was in the work with me. I figure some day he’ll fall into my lap. Or not. Either way, I win.

I don’t know if it’s because I spent so much time being picked on by bratty brothers and their friends, but I have always enjoyed doing things on my own.  Even from my 20’s, I enjoyed having a meal alone, going to the gym alone, racquetball so I didn’t have to drum up a partner anytime I wanted to play, running, biking, dancing, drumming, yoga, meditation, writing, all solitary activities.

If you’ve ever played solo racquetball, you become aware of what relationship is. You have a relationship with the racquet, with the ball, with the four walls, with the floor, with the ceiling.  You have a relationship with time, as you execute each shot so the ball bounces but once before you connect again.  Relationship is all about getting into that flow, and becoming sensitive to the responses of whoever and whatever you are interacting with.  You go with the flow and dance the cosmic dance with whatever is in front of you.  That’s not always a person, but it’s still a relationship.

I have deep relationships with my two cats, with my Toyota Prius and with my Sonicare toothbrush.  I have deep relationships with the oaks and pine on my property; with the mulberry and loquat trees and the bamboo.  I can feel them interact with me when I am out among them. I feel a relationship with the orange as I peel it and the pineapple, and to the bread I toast, and to the toaster oven.  I feel akin to the squirrels and birds I feed, and the raccoons, armadillos and opposums that I don’t feed.  I feel connected to every blade of grass I mow and, of course, believer in reincarnation that I am, the metaphor of the mulching lawnmower is not lost on me.  I know each cut blade is delighted to return to the soil, eager for its next adventure.

And so am I.  In the meantime, in the words of that great guru David Bowie …

Let’s Dance.

Andrea

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