Monthly Archives: April 2014

Yin and Ben are getting used to each other

The vision I am holding.

The vision I am holding.

We’re making progress! Everyone survived the night! Yesterday Benny split about 2pm and I kept waiting for a text saying he’s at the bf’s. About 5pm I stepped into the garden to water and there’s Benny the Cat under the bamboo jumping at butterflies!  YinYang was glaring at him from across the yard. At one point they growled at each other, but both went on their merry way.  At sundown, we hung out with them in the front yard and for awhile they just glared at each other. Then Yinnie chased him down the street, all puffed up. She got picked up by her scruff again (oh! the indignity!) and stuffed inside the bedroom sliding glass door. We brought Benny inside and sat on the couch with him until YinYang came out and they glared again. I know it’s a process. Continue reading

YinYang puts Benny the Cat through his initiation

Benny and Yinnie - will they give peace a chance?

Benny and YinYang – will they give peace a chance?

Benny the Cat and YinYang have been getting acquainted. This morning I sat to meditate and Benny was asleep in his chair, Yin on the bed.  A half hour in, I hear a MRRROW!!!! and jump up to see a real puffed up Yinnie has Ben on his back as she hisses and spits and swipes at him.  I grab her by the scruff of her neck and set her on the back porch. I tell Benny it’s ok and he jumps back in his chair. I talk to YinYang through the open door and she settles down.  I let her in and she runs to the bedroom, I follow her, everyone’s back to sleep. An hour later, Yin is asleep and Benny is gone. An hour later he shows up at the bf’s house a block away for breakfast, carrying his bindle stick… Continue reading

What I experienced may not be what you experienced

It’s important for me to remember in any encounter that what I experienced is not necessarily what the other experienced.  What can seem normal to someone who has a hectic life with a lot of emotional ups and downs, can seem manic and chaotic to me. When it does, I have to take care not to judge the form so much that it obscures the content.

Is it a hyphen? Is it a en dash? An em dash? What do I use?!?

 A Dash is a Dash is a Dash – Or Is It?  Lions and tigers and bears–oh my! More like hyphens and dashes and–more dashes. Oh Lord! The dash, the en dash, and the em dash. The Three Musketeers of the writing world. The Holy Trinity of the literary apocalypse. The–okay, you get it. These simple lines on paper (or a computer screen) are enough to make the staunchest writer quiver if they don’t know when to use which. No, don’t run away. It’s okay. No need to panic. This is easy. Really. Check it out: Continue reading

I get another opportunity to work on being judgmental

Rumi says, “Each has a secret way of being with the mystery, unique and not to be judged.” I’ve been judging. We each do what we’re capable of. It’s not for me to judge what anyone else is capable of. How liberating when I remember that.

I know you were as sincere as you had it in you

I want to apologize. I judged you, saying your  “I’m sorry I hurt you” doesn’t explain a year of hateful lies. I judged that it happened as recent as last week. I judged your grand gesture as performance and said maybe we’ll have the real conversation some day, with no audience, no prepared speech and more years behind us. I judged you repaid my kindness and compassion with anger and deceit.  Upon reflection, I realize you were being as sincere as you could be.  I apologize for not recognizing that. If I judged unfairly, it was only because I thought so much more was possible. My lesson is to meet friends where they are and not where I think they are.  I apologize. For the future, by the fruits we shall know.  Bless us all.

Easter 2014 with Yinnie the Mini-Cow and Benny the Cat

Benny the Cat

Benny the Cat

Up early Easter morning for a walk around the hood in the cool air.  We’ve been getting Benny the Cat slowly used to my house and yard and he’s been over here all day.  We kept him inside a few hours so he could know how everything smells, then we pushed him out the cat door and back in.  Then in and out the front door and side door. Soon enough, he began exploring and wandering the yard, then running in and out of the woods chasing lizards and jumping at butterflies.  Almost an acre, my home in the middle and woods on either side, we lost sight of him a few times yet knew if we just wandered around singing his theme song, he’d stay close.  A friend stopped by and as we stood on the front walk talking, Benny darted up the palm tree!  As he edged himself down, I grabbed him by his scruff and brought him inside.  We showed him where the food and water was and made sure he drank water, then let him meander on back out. YinYang will get used to him soon enough, I’m sure. You can get used to almost anything.

Even knowing what I know, it’s not always easy letting go

Bryan Tilford, so much more than friend and former partner, he was a spiritual brother on the Path

Bryan Tilford, so much more than friend and former partner, he was a spiritual brother on the Path

It’s been a challenging week. I’ve been busy with final layout of the May magazine and it’s been a week since a beloved friend passed.  brYan Tilford’s Memorial is today at 3pm at Unity of Melbourne. So much more than just a friend and former partner, brYan was a spiritual brother on the Path. He seemed to sleep as little as I do, so we had many late night conversations. There were worldly topics we had differing opinions about, but we were in accord about matters of the soul.  brYan had a deep faith and was very passionate about it. We’d take what was going on in our daily lives and dissect them for spiritual insights and lessons. Not everyone cares to do that. It gave us a deep connection.  brYan died of a big heart, Hypertrophic heart. Ironic, huh, but that’s how he made room for us all. I’ve been missing him this week, a week I needed to stay focused on articles and editing and ads and calls and deadlines.  I took many breaks. I did a lot of gardening. Like house cleaning, gardening always helps me sort my thoughts. It gives my physical body something to do: it engages my lower, concrete mind so that my higher, abstract mind can work out what I’m feeling. I’m feeling loss, although I know there is no loss. I’m feeling grateful that one day he and I will catch up and he’ll tell me the awesome stories of what he’s been doing since last week. Sadness? Ah, this too shall pass. I know to accept all things. It was a challenging week, but it gets better each day.  brYan’s memorial is today. It hurts me to be unable to go, but the “I” of me is there no matter where my body has to be. So for now, it’s back onto the Path, one foot in front of the other, hand to the plow, life goes on.

MORE ABOUT BRYAN:  Rest in Peace, brYan Tilford
What I got when I asked brYan Tilford for a Crossing Over Song
The end of death as we know it

What I got when I asked Bryan Tilford for a Crossing Over song

Bryan and Andrea IMG_0902-XIn June 2011, I’d asked Bryan if he had a Crossing Over song, something that could be played at a friend’s memorial service.  He did not have one, so I asked if he might write one for me. I told him I know that no matter if my body dies, that my soul will live on. That was why death did not scare me. Even in a violent death, I knew that the soul would leave the body before it became too much to bear. Like when the cheetah catches the gazelle, and the gazelle writhes and screams, its soul has long left the body, and what we see are the muscles going through automatic responses. This is what Bryan is referring to in the last paragraph. While he did this for me, I thought it appropriate to share it.

July 6, 2011 From Bryan:
this was handed to me special delivery – a gusher. not sure if it’s exactly what you were looking for, but spec delv songs i don’t argue with.
title could simply be – crossover.
i’m going from pov of griever to the one crossing over. musically i’m not hearing somber tones, but a comforting rhythm type (ie eat2live (a song he did for me)) beginning that builds to a joyous something. not sure what. yet.
the spacings are to remind me of meter and phrasings.
sorry, no gazelles 8^) extreme rough first draft. Continue reading

brYan Tilford’s Memorial is Saturday, April 19 at 3:00pm at Unity Church of Melbourne

brYan Tilford, bigger than life

brYan Tilford, bigger than life

brYan Tilford’s memorial service is scheduled for 3:00 this Saturday April 19, 2014, at Unity of Melbourne, 1745 Trimble Road , Melbourne FL 32934 phone 321-254-0313.  I am scheduled elsewhere and have connected with the family. I know if I cannot attend I am no less connected to everyone who shared in brYan’s heart. The bane of my career/path is not having time to connect in person at many important events. But the bane is also the boon as it strengthens my experience of the inner connection. Most of my conversations with brYan were about our faith, so he knows I’m there no matter where my body has to be.

Rest in Peace, brYan Tilford
What I got when I asked brYan Tilford for a Crossing Over Song