A friend said last week, “I like being in a relationship, even if it's not the right one. I like having a boyfriend, even if he's the wrong one.” I typically am patient while I figure out how I fit and how I feel about a new person. As a friend says, “letting the Disney dust settle.” Incidentially, he was at DisneyWorld Saturday with a new woman, a typical first date. I told him no wonder he gets blinded by the Disney dust, he keeps returning to the scene of the crime! He wrote I think the most important thing that I would want her to understand and “get” about being in a relationship with me are my beliefs/paradigms about relationships. I feel both people need to have a similar belief as to the true purpose of relationships. A couple should periodically take inventory of how they each define the relationship, and where they each are in the relationship, to help ensure that they are both on the same page. I believe that the true purpose of every relationship (not just romantic) is to create opportunities for you to choose Who you wish to Be. Relationships give you the opportunities to recreate yourself over and over again into grander and grander versions of yourself. I gleaned this concept from Conversations with God.

He makes me think. I believe what I am looking for is a partner to share my life with me and that may or may not include living under the same roof. It's important for me for my partner to either share or be interested in my spiritual path, and have his own. A favorite thing would be us both studying the same topics and discussing them. Another favorite thing is that we want many of the same things so we can work toward them together, like finding what we want out of life and then creating and implementing a plan to go after it. But he either needs to be involved in or be interested in my work and share many of my beliefs - especially about how we attract people and circumstances into our lives by virtue of the thoughts we think every moment, and how there is a magical unseen world around us that responds to us if we take the time to learn to be with it and utilize it and discover the language it speaks.

Part of my personal path is continual soul searching or soul clearing. Identifying and clearing away any conscious or unconscious behaviors that don't add to my goal or bring me closer to my dream. Clearing away what is not an upgrade to my life. Staying mindful to make the most of my potential.

As an on again/off again single person, I have learned some things about myself and what I want and don't want, what I like and don't like. The people I most enjoy spending time with are people who are involved in activities I enjoy.

I came of age during the early 70's in the years of the encounter culture. Group encounter was a type of layman's group psychotherapy, sometimes called sensitivity training, and they were groups that people (no, not just hippies) joined to increase their sensitivity, responsiveness, and emotional expressiveness, by freely verbalizing and responding to their emotions. It is somewhat based around the principles of cognitive therapy, which has to do with the way in which one perceives and interprets and attributes meaning in their daily lives. The premise being that human beings are intentional, they seek meaning, value and creativity; and in order to be happy, they make the most of their abilities and to strive to be the best they can. Goals of encounter include evaluating your thoughts and beliefs; assessing what you expect; and assessing how you attribute causes of events. Encounter groups were typically structured yet casual group settings designed to increase self awareness, gain insight into unconscious emotions and drives, and teach a language to verbally express it so we could relate to others in an open and honest way.

I have found my most fulfilling times come from doing this type of work - seeking to learn my strengths, overcome my blockages, and make the most of my abilities to - and helping others do the same. I am most comfortable relating to others in this type of way - being open about what I am thinking and feeling about whatever we are involved in doing together. I am so involved in my work, which puts me in these groups and around this type of person almost exclusively, that I forget how unusual some of these things might be to 'an outsider'. I took a new (non-metaphysical) friend to a metaphysical discussion circle where he was out of his element with the hand holding (with other men even!) the hugging and the verbalized personal emotions. I laughed as I remembered my own first encounters. Now it is second nature and I have gotten used to being with wide-open-hearted people of all genders.

Helping people reach their goals and potential is the work I find most meaningful and satisfying, and is what I feel most driven and motivated to do. So the friends and people who are most valuable to me help me stay focused on these topics, since they are what brings the most meaning and fulfillment into my life. Yes, I have friends who are not interested in personal growth and spirituality, however they do share an interest in openly verbalizing and responding to their emotions on the other mutual interests we share. I am always interested about what someone thinks of the life they are living. I may not be interested in what they are doing or who they are doing it with, but I am very interested in WHAT THEY THINK about what they are doing and who they are doing it with. Is what they are doing keeping them facing the direction they want to go? Do they know what direction they want to go in? If not, are they actively searching for it? If they are happy with their life, what adds to them enjoying it fully?

An affluent friend from Miami just called and was flying his plane into the Vero airport and wanted to meet for lunch. I jokingly asked him what, was he not spending enough money on gas for the boat that now he has to fly a plane for recreation? This from a man who constantly complains about how much women cost him. Maybe they wouldn't tend to, I suggested, if he'd stop talking about “my plane, my boat, my house, my company, my whatever” and just take them to the beach to watch the sunset and talk, or a picnic at a local park. Keep them sober, don't bribe them with gifts at first, talk about what you want out of life, not what you own and who you know. He doesn't realize how old that gets, hearing men who only know to define themselves through what the media tells them they must own and who they are photographed with.

My mother, after she and my dad divorced, typically dated professionals, she worked in a Tampa hospital and had several suitors, a couple of doctors. But she wanted a home life with a man and not to always sit home waiting for him to finish work. When she began dating Rafael, 18 years her junior, a Cuban auto mechanic who spoke only broken English, I wondered what they had in common. My mom who loved to read philosophy and discuss ideas and who was an eloquent speaker with wonderful subtleties of language usage. Rafael who loved to hang with his buddies at the shop and watch any kind of sports on tv. But after I saw them together a few times, I saw what she saw. He adored her and she him. They were playful together and had chemistry you could cut with a knife. He adored her and showed it constantly. She told me later that she could have discussions with girlfriends; she could have intellectual stimulation at work. She could go to church alone and go to concerts and theatre with friends. But when she got home and was in her own space, all she wanted was someone to love who loved her. Wow, what a role model.

Enjoy our offering this month. Remember, time flies whether you're having fun or not.