Andrea de Michaelis, Publisher
Photographer Debi Buck
Hello and welcome to the April 2014 edition of Horizons Magazine. Easter is on April 20th this year. Folk stories of the Easter Rabbit began in pre-Christian fertility lore. One popular legend says Eastre found a bird, wounded, on the ground late in winter. To save its life, she transformed it into a hare. But the transformation was not a complete one. The bird took the appearance of a hare but retained the ability to lay eggs... the hare would decorate these eggs and leave them as gifts to Eastre. Enter the Easter Bunny.
The egg is a symbol of fertility and rebirth, of new life. It stands for the renewing power of nature and, by extension, ag tradition of painting eggs in bright colours to represent emerging from the darkness of winter into the sunlight of spring. AH, YES!
Before Christianity, early pagans celebrated the return of Spring with a festival in tribute to their Goddess of fertility, Eastre or Ostara. Eastre is associated with the coming of spring and the dawn. Her festival is celebrated at the same time as the Christian observance of the Resurrection of Christ, and in the Jewish faith, Passover. The holiday is a celebration of renewal of life.
The topic recently has been conscious uncouplings, sacred endings and honoring friends as intentions change. I'm seeing new life on that topic as well. In my paralegal days, I offered a friendly divorce, which was an uncontested divorce which included a property settlement agreement. In it, everyone was in agreement, a big difference from the knockdown, drag out War of the Roses some turn into. It's like as a society we are somehow uncomfortable with changed intentions and endings. We don't realize that nothing failed, we simply completed one phase and are morphing into another.
A conscious partner knows how to make the transition from romantic interest to friend and ally while preserving a friendship. Often if one party is unhappy, both are. If an unhappy one has been faking it, the partner is left clueless and blindsided. Thats not how you treat a friend. You speak up as soon as what you feel changes, so no one labors under a false impression. It does not have to be a confrontation. If you ended in a blaze with past partners, make amends. The only way out is through. You can go in with guns blazing, or you can go in with heart blazing, recognizing your partner for what you once had, and eager to hear suggestions on how to move into the next phase of your friendship. This is how you stay conscious through a transition and remain friends after it's over.
I had a most interesting reading as I was going to press.
A friend heard that her ex recently had a spiritual awakening and changed his ways. All she knows is the last time she saw him, it was a drunken public screaming match ending with her coming home to find her clothes boxed up on the driveway and the door lock changed. She'll believe he's had a spiritual awakening when he explains to her what happened. For 6 months she's been wondering WTF? Now he's suddenly this charming, nice, helpful person to everyone in his new circle of friends? But how spiritual is that and how awake is he if he won't take the fundamental step to apologize to those he harmed in the past, she wanted to know?
In speaking with people the past 30 years, Ive learned that many not only do not have a vocabulary to express what they feel, they dont even know what they feel. This frustrates them when they have a life situation they want to change, yet dont know how to communicate it. So every break up turns into Armageddon when a simple conversation would have left everyone going their own way as friends.
When you find the words to express what you feel, what you feel will no longer drive you crazy and control your life. Instead of an angry outburst at frustration, you might realize the anger is because you feel trapped in a situation of your own making. It might be something you do again and again, and you would really like to stop the pattern, but can't seem to. Maybe you love your partner now more in a platonic way and you once again want to feel that free flowing feeling of new love and infatuation flowing through you. Maybe you want to be free to find it and you don't want to hurt their feelings, but you want out. Now.
Why is it so hard to say what you want? The sooner you say it, the sooner everyone can move on and begin new lives. Honesty is the best policy. Otherwise it keeps them asking a million questions. It keeps the situation alive in their consciousness. Once someone knows the truth, they can process the info and eventually move on. They will no longer be involved in your life and they will stop looking for a better answer from you because youve given it to them. You cared and respected them once, care enough to give them closure with an honest answer so they can begin to move on.
Staying conscious when intentions change: How to survive changes when lovers morph into friends
We make promises we mean in the moment. I'll love you forever means, in this moment I feel such love for you that I want this feeling to last forever. Why dont we say that instead? Be honest and open at every stage about involvement in the relationship with each other. That way there are no surprises when its time to transition into another phase of beingness. If you initially talked marriage and children and you're going through a phase where you think thats no longer what you want with this person, thats a change of intention that a conscious partner would make their mate aware of.
Hi, I've been thinking, I may be changing my mind about having children. Let's have a chat about it, see where we are on that page. (Your words will be better because they will be the truth.) I'm wanting to feel more freedom before I settle into so much responsibility. I love you and you're my best friend so I hope we can decide together what to do. I'd love for us to remain as we are now, but take future plans off the table and see where it goes. Knowing this is what I want, what would you like?
We change our minds as we grow in consciousness. When we change, we grow apart from some people and grow closer to others. It's the law of attraction at work. We hang with those we vibe with, and our vibration changes with every thought. Discord erupts when one partner has a change of heart yet does not tell the other and begins living a lie, pretending everything is ok. Living the lie weighs on them, they feel oppressed, stuck, resentful. Wanting to avoid conflict, they isolate and say nothing, but they don't hide their disdain. Maybe the other will just leave on their own and think it's their idea. WTF is that all about among friends? That's not how conscious partners behave with each other.
We choose to live the lie thinking it's the least likely to cause a rift , but life is not about avoiding conflict. Conflict comes to pass, it doesnt come to stay. Conflict comes to help us hone exactly what it is we want out of life, it helps us identify what our next step is and points us toward doorways we never noticed before. It does not have to be a conflict to bring up the fact you've been thinking about your life situation and other options are wanting thought-time in your mind. You'd like to know what your partner thinks about those topics as well. Their mind may have changed as well since the last discussion on the topic. Only by having the talk will you discover what they think today about it.
You will also discover how your partner reacts when they've learned your intentions may be changing. If you've spoken of future plans and she's rearranged her entire life to make those plans come to fruition, she deserves to know the minute your intention changes so she can stop wasting that time and begin to focus on her own self and a life elsewhere if need be. She may feel hurt either way, but the lie does the damage, and the lie is completely avoidable. The conscious partner doesn't hold their mate emotionally hostage by letting them live under a false impression and waste time thinking everything is fine when it's not.
But you don't want to make waves and you don't want anything to change right now and you really like the cooking and the sex and the laundry service and the warm bed partner. Yes, but by not talking to her about it, you are letting her think that the two of you may still have a future together while youre looking to be elsewhere. A conscious partner does not perpetuate a lie.
THE REMEDY: As soon as you realize that your friend is no longer the destination you thought they'd be, you owe it to them to chat about what you are feeling. It is important for you to contemplate these things alone first, so you can come to clear understanding before putting them into words for your partner. That will also give you the kindest words to use to convey the truth you want to convey, with no mistake and no wrong impression. You wanted it to last, you want them to be the One. Now your mind is focusing on things other than relationship with them. That helps them in their own transition process.
If they don't know what your thoughts are on the topic, they will stay in your life longer because they will keep wanting you to answer questions to clear up the unspoken. Friends don't do that to friends. The conscious partner seeks to make the transition amicable and harmonious. Closure is easiest when there's been disclosure all along the way. It's not hard and all it takes is respect and doing unto others.
Accept all things. Its the only way to wake up.
Anything else perpetuates the dream.
Enjoy our offering this month.