Horizons Magazine
Andrea de Michaelis, Publisher
Photo taken 2005
If you'd like to say thanks,
we appreciate your donations
$3 helps * $5 helps * $10 helps
FEBRUARY 2005
The end of the gall bladder woes; holistic vs. conventional medicine; taking responsibility;
good friends to the rescue; dark night of the Soul.
Hello and welcome to the February 2005 issue of Horizons Magazine. So many new and exciting things are going on, I barely know where to begin. Over the Christmas holidays, I spent another 8 days in the hospital with a recurrent attack of gallstone/pancreatitis, and this time I let them take my gall bladder out. I just knew I didn't want to have that experience again if I could help it. And I could help it.
I could make a choice to believe that I could continue to work through natural and holistic methods to dissolve my gallstones on my own. I spent 2 months on the internet gathering knowledge about doing just that, and also gathering knowledge about the pros and cons of gall bladder removal. I came to the conclusion - before the attack at Christmas - that either way I was fine with it. If the situation presented itself again - being told I should remove the gall bladder - I would know in that moment what the answer would be. And I did.
Although the doctor said to me afterwards, "Now you can eat anything you want," I know it would be counterproductive to do that. And I know he's just repeating what he's been taught. I've learned through my reading that once the gall bladder is removed, my body will work optimally if I cultivate a low fat, low cholesterol diet. I've learned that for many women who have had their gall bladder out and not changed their diet, that the material which made up the gallstones - bile and cholesterol - is still being produced in the system. After taking out the gallbladder, the uterus may become the depot for it, or the joints or the fatty tissue under the skin. My brother gets cholesterol stored up over his brow and has it drained periodically. Of course, he eats fast food 3 times a day. How he manages to stay slim as a rail...
So what has been my lesson through this experience? That a combination of holistic care and good medical attention works best. Had I just let them take the gall bladder out in October when they first wanted to, I would not have spent so much time online researching health and nutrition. I have learned a LOT of information that I'm really glad to know and now I am feeling better than ever. Better than ever because now I am informed. Now I don't have questions about "what is going on in my body?" If I had just resolved to dissolve the stones naturally, and refused the second time to let them take the gall bladder out, the next time I might not be quite as lucky. I didn't know either time that I had pancreatitis, a potentially deadly condition. Each time I just thought I had a touch of a tummy bug and that I was being whiney for complaining about it. Thank goodness for good friends who know when to take charge and get me to the emergency room!
Another thing I've learned through this experience is that I really can count on my friends. I always figured I could, but tried not to "test" it too often. Now I know that even without me being involved, everything that needs to be done gets done: magazines distributed, cats fed, checks deposited and bills paid. All thanks to good friends, like Trish and Doug and Beth and Gerald and Cha Cha. Beth and Trish especially have been shining stars of inspiration to me when I was feeling especially puny during the last hospital stay.
I've also learned a little more about unconditional love. It's easy to love someone who is meeting some or all of your expectations, but what about someone who doesn't? Or a whole group of someones who aren't? For the most part in the hospital, I felt in very good hands, and had very friendly and helpful medical staff. The couple of times that I was offered the wrong meals two days before surgery, I myself knew not to eat the meals. Since it was Christmas, the dietician's office was already closed when my diet was changed by the doctor, and they could not locate a low fat meal for me. I knew eating the wrong thing could give me another attack and postpone the surgery. I would just as soon fasted, but the doctor wanted to know I could eat solid food before he did surgery. So instead of blaming everyone involved for it, I just had a friend bring me some instant oatmeal and a few bananas and I was fine.
Now they didn't bring me the wrong meals to do me harm. They didn't bring me the wrong meals to postpone my surgery. They just didn't understand the consequences. They were just following what they thought was the doctor's orders. How could I fault them for that? And I couldn't pretend I didn't know what to eat and not eat. This was my body we're talking about. I won't say I didn't go on a momentary head trip about it - "How dare they! What are they trying to do? Why is no one in charge paying attention here?" But I quickly realized I am the attractor of my experience. I realized I was about to undergo one of those Dark Night Of The Soul experiences. And having one of those overnight on Christmas Eve, in the hospital, while you're taking morphine which opens you up to all sorts of mental delusions about what's real and not real, you're in for a treat.
I came out on the other side of it with a profound compassion for those who act in ignorance. For those who either don't know, or pretend not to know. For those who act irresponsible because they are afraid to take charge. Could I only love them - as another human being - if they were doing what I thought was "the right thing?" Or could I love them no matter what? What would Jesus do?
Hmmmm... It made me think of the countless times that I, in my own life, have done things without understanding the consequences, and caused someone unnecessary harm or limitation. It made me think of the ripples I've sent out in my lifetime, affecting other people, at a time when I was far less conscious and aware than I am right now. Hopefully I continue to learn from my mistakes along the way.