Horizons Magazine

More about Andrea

JUNE 2003
Our 11th anniversary; change can be good; dealing with our stuff: to
know me is to know you; transcendental meditation; evangelical preachers
talking about new age to their flock; vocabulary - presto/chango!

Hello and welcome to the June 2003 issue of Horizons Magazine. This is our
11th Anniversary issue - yay for us! A lot has changed in the past 11 years,
and the Universe has taught me to see all change as good. That wasn't
always the case! Eleven years ago, I was working for a criminal defense
attorney, married to my last husband, and spent my spare time with my partners in the magazine, Theresa Richardson and Kristy Scott. It's fun to be involved in projects with friends and we had a good time each month putting the magazine together, and that continued for a few years. Then Life happened, and first Theresa, then Kristy moved and got involved in raising brilliant sons, and I began doing the magazine on my own.

That changed lotsa things for me. Theresa had been the "out front" person who interacted with all the stores and advertisers, and Kristy had been the "creative" one, whose brother taught us magazine layout. I was more the "behind the scenes computer person," happy to stay in the background and type. We didn't have email back then, and not all articles were even on disk, so there used to be lotsa typing. Being behind the scenes suited my 12th house Aries personality very well. That changed when I began doing the magazine myself in 1996. Suddenly I was the one who had to contact everyone each month. Suddenly I was the one everyone had to meet with. It wasn't a change I welcomed, but it was a change that has done me lotsa good. It's not that I'm shy, just that I was used to having a stack of work to do, and being left alone to do it; not having to depend on anyone else in order to get my job done.
Doesn't that sound ideal? Just gimme the work and gimme the paycheck, and don't let anyone get in my way. The problem with that is, people ARE going to "get in our way," and the sooner we learn to deal effectively with that, the happier we all are. One way to effectively deal with that is to get to know ourselves, because if you know you, then you know me. And it can be the normal discovery that makes us crazy.

We spend our lives rationalizing and ignoring our stuff, then when we decide to deal with it, we suddenly have to deal with it. The first part is acknowledging it and often that is the hardest, scariest part, saying "This is what's inside me. Some of it I put there, some of it was put there by others, but now I'm going to let it go. If it involves a behavior, I'm going to modify the behavior and let the emotional thing go. It can go sorta smoothly if we have hit bottom and really want to get rid of the emotion and behavior, but if it is a part of our ego/identity - and it so often is - then we become very fearful that we won't be "us" anymore." We keep strolling down memory lane and reliving miserable old stuff, over and over and over.
 
Why do we do this? When you take trash to the curb, do you keep bringing it back in the house, tearing open the bag and inventorying it so you can be shocked at what used to be in the house and what you just brought back in? Or do you realize that you will not get left at the curb with the trash, but will in fact be better able to live in the house without it? It's hard for some to separate the "stuff" from the person because we have assumed for so long that the stuff is the person.

After we've spent lotsa time looking at our own "stuff," then we're more easily able to deal with others, and put up with their stuff. It doesn't bother us all that much when someone does something that previously annoyed us. We don't react so much when someone slights us or is rude or blameful or competitive or jealous. We know not to take it personally, that it doesn't have to do with us, rather it has to do with them. And when I understand me, then I understand you.

Caroline Myss in this issue mentions the futility of finding words to convey certain ideas or experiences, and the fact that there is so much that we have so little vocabulary to describe. Words that in the past were very descriptive, now - in present usage - have become trite, cliche, or with whole new meanings. Much of this is done in the media, and lots of it is done in the pulpit. I frequently listen to contemporary Christian music stations when I drive and, often while seeking a new station in an unknown city, I come across a preacher spewing fire and brimstone. I am often amused as I listen to them tell the flock "their" version of How Things Are. I have heard them tell their listeners that "new agers" admit to being satan worshippers (jeez... does anyone even know a satan worshipper?) and that meditation opens your mind up to being taken over by the devil. The preacher takes time to define certain "new age" practices for his flock, i.e., worshipping crystals (I guess that's when they're not worshipping satan?) or talk of Being In The Now as self centered and ignoring worldy duties.

It brings to mind way back in the early 70's when I discovered meditation and the benefits it brought to me, and that I wanted to share it with everyone I knew. I'd taken Transcendental Meditation (TM) and in TM you are given a mantra and perform a brief puja, or sacred routine. Some of my Baptist and Church of God friends let me know that they were taught that meditation is "occult" and "occult" to them meant "bad news and the devil." (Many fundamentalists disregard Webster's definition as: not easily apprehended or understood; secret; not manifest or detectable by clinical methods alone. ) A few years later, Harvard professor Herbert Benson wrote The Relaxation Response which detailed the exact transcendental meditation technique, minus the puja, and using the word "one" in place of the mantra. Presto, chango! Repackage it in a form the public hasn't been programmed to fear, and lotsa people who'd never thought of giving meditation a try were now benefitting from the practice, and relieving all sorts of physical ailments related to stress. All that changed was what they called it.

Now, 30 years later, Benson has written The Breakout Principle , and writes: "We have a natural trigger that maximizes creativity, athletic performance, productivity, and personal well-being. When the going gets tough, individuals can turn stress into a creativity break-out.

1. First, "back off," and leave the problem alone.

2. Next, "sever prior mental patterns" by praying, repeating a favorite text, listening to music, looking at art, soaking in a hot tub, walking, or bicycling--just preoccupy the conscious mind with new activity.
This will release body chemicals that counter the stress hormones, and lead to fresh insights and a new sense of possibility. It is a learned skill. Benson backs up his assertions with clinical research. This sounds like Prayer, Meditation and Being In The Now to me.

I guess my point is, yes, people twist words to their own meanings for their own purpose. But we don't hafta do it, too. Don't expect people to always know what you mean. Be patient with those who have been taught another vocabulary, and been programmed differently than you have. Some people don't know that they've been programmed, they just think what they've been taught is the only truth and the only way.

After we've spent enough time looking at our own stuff, then we're more easily able to understand everyone else's stuff, and we stop getting bent outa shape over everything. When we can, through meditation and reflection, come to know what's inside of us, its easier to understand what is inside another. And when we understand each other, even in small ways, vocabulary is no longer an issue.